Title: Gone
Author: Starfleetdream

Series: NEW TOS
Codes: Sa/Am
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't profit
Feedback: yes, please
Summary: Sarek make a decision

Gone

by

Starfleetdream

1) She was gone.

Her work here in San Francisco was done. She had quite logically accepted a tenure-track position at a prestigious learning institution following the successful conclusion of the Universal Translator project, and she was leaving for Boston the next day. "We did a fantastic job, and now we've all been sacked," she only half-jokingly had told him, "But this new position is a good move for me, even if I'll miss being here."

He did not like it.

2) They had been nearly constant companions over the past year, always for logical, appropriate reasons. In addition to her work on the translator team, she had provided a great deal of professional assistance to his staff at the Vulcan Embassy, as well as to him personally by accompanying him to diplomatic and other events. He and his team were unquestionably more effective in their roles as a result of the linguistic and cultural consultation she had provided. His own understanding of Terran life had deepened considerably. Now, however, it was logical for her to move on.

Her absence caused him pain that he could not describe.

3) Her return to Boston had been facilitated by a former - and likely still current- suitor. This fact was irrelevant, however, as she was eminently qualified for the position regardless of how it had been arranged. And he had no right to be concerned about her personal life.

It was unacceptable.

4) He himself was due to depart for Vulcan in three day's time at his clan's request. It was past time that he meet with the matchmaker and proceed with selecting a new bond-mate. Both logic and duty dictated he do this.

He resisted with every fiber of his being.

5) There was no logic in dwelling on Dr. Amanda Grayson or her future any further. Yet her face swam before him when he tried to meditate, and the concept of any other male in her life brought forth a rush of rage he had difficulty controlling. If the existence of such an 'other' male caused such turmoil, was it because he considered himself to have a place in her life? And just what place was that? There was no logic... While he believed deeply in forging closer connections amongst the galaxy's peoples - indeed, it was his life's work- there were also unavoidable realities, needs, of Vulcan life, things that could not, would not, be shared. Of which he was a living, breathing example. He had meditated long into the night on multiple occasions to rid his thoughts of illogic on the subject of Amanda Grayson, without resolution. He must rise above this obvious failure of his personal disciplines.

But how could he allow the possibility of her being claimed by another?

6) She was undeniably brilliant and extremely capable, but she was also emotional and unpredictable. He often found himself bewildered in her presence, blind-sided by some aspect of her humanness or her femaleness. She brought forth thoughts and impulses that frequently tested his control. Yet he was attracted as a moth to flame, or as if he could not stop himself from tasting the dangerous poison she unwittingly offered him. The only logical and acceptable alternative was to remove himself from her influence.

He did not think he could conceive of his life without her.

7) The private message light blinked on his comm unit. A recording of Amanda appeared, her face clouded with sadness. She would be returning to the embassy tomorrow to collect some final items and she wished to say goodbye; could she stop by his office?

Then his disciplines did fail him. S'chn T'gai Sarek of Vulcan, who had never committed an impulsive act in his life, suddenly moved purely out of instinct. He abruptly summoned his assistant and canceled his next week's appointments, including his trip to Vulcan. He tersely recorded a message to the clan matchmaker, informing her that her services were no longer required. He would deal with the inevitable fallout from T'Pau later.

Then he found himself at the Embassy transporter, beaming to her apartment.

8) Amanda's eyes widened in shock when she saw who knocked on her door. "Sarek! What are you...?" she trailed off, noticing he was alone, without the usual embassy entourage. "Is everything alright?"

No! his thoughts thundered. Fortunately a calmer version of himself replied. "That remains to be seen. I apologize for arriving unannounced. Amanda, I -" He stopped then started again, averting his eyes. "I have come to inform you that I have...'sacked' my clan matchmaker."

Her eyes widened yet again, and then with a start she realized he was still standing outside in the fall drizzle. She stepped back to let him inside, having no idea what to say. He looked down at her, eyes searching. "It has occurred to me that it is illogical to search for what one has already found," he said softly. He closed his eyes before continuing. "There is no analog between our peoples for what I wish to ask, Amanda. In fact, I must confess my logic is rather... uncertain in this area. However, I am also quite certain that the present circumstance between us is unacceptable."

Oh my God…, she thought, her eyes starting to glisten. He straightened his shoulders and placed his hands formally behind his back before he plunged ahead. "I realize there may be another who has intentions for you. I offer myself in any case. If you would have me, I would take you into my clan as my bond-mate and wife." Then he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Of course, if this overture is unwelcome -"

"Sarek, stop," Amanda interrupted him, her smile brilliant through her tears. Then she kissed him.

END