New: Lost in
Translation Series: A Dutiful Father
By: T'Ashalik
Sa, Sp,
Skon
Rating: PG
Summary:
Sarek's perspective of his reaction to Spock's decision to join Starfleet.
Disclaimer:
not mine…no money made on this.
A/N: Many
thanks to Selek for beta reading!
2249
Sarek strode through the academic offices at the
The light of Nevasa filtered in through windows, every corner alight
with life and conversation, and its warmth shining on him. Stability and
consistency, two elements of a logical life… a life that was now in question
for him.
He continued through
hallways farther from the public eye until he arrived at the door. He stood and
looked at it for an instant, waiting for the precise moment he was scheduled.
At 1400 hours, he entered the room and shut the door, standing in front of a
large stone desk. Skon sat behind it, writing and, without looking up from his
work, gestured to the chair opposite him.
"Sit, my son," his deep voice rumbled softly.
Sarek obliged him, waiting for his father to complete his
work.
"It is agreeable
to see you, Sarek'am."
"You
as well. Osamekh,
I require your wisdom," Sarek said softly.
"What concerns
you, Safu?"
"Spock."
Skon looked at Sarek
carefully; his son's face impassive and control set tightly in place. Even so,
he could sense Sarek's internal struggle. "All dutiful fathers are
concerned regarding their sons."
"Yes, and understandably so, Father. Spock is
considering a disastrous life-course. He will jeopardize all that the Vulcan
way of life represents," he said, his voice even. He was thankful it did
not betray him.
"Spock will or may, my son?" Skon asked gently.
"I do not understand."
"Is this
life-path he considers so volatile that he will undermine all that we are? That
is exaggeration, Sarek'am; for not even The Sundered
could strip our culture of that which we believe."
"Father, he would
reject admission to the Academy to join Starfleet and actively participate in
the use of force and violence."
"As
a scientist, Sarek? Has Spock not exceeded every expectation of
performance set upon all Vulcans? His accomplishments are remarkable, and
enhanced by his dualistic heritage."
"As a member of
the crew," Sarek replied.
Skon evaluated Sarek,
and decided to broach a topic that he wished to avoid. "Sarek, how much
greater would his life-path evolve the perception of our culture by those
around us than your choice to bond with Amanda?" he asked gently.
"Irrelevant,
Father."
"Indeed?"
Skon paused, fascinated by Sarek not realizing the connection. "Your
decision to bond with a Human female forced many around you to suffer the
consequences of your actions, son."
"Father…"
Sarek interjected, not wishing Amanda to be brought into the conversation in
such a way.
Skon quickly corrected
him. "You will hear me, my son," Skon answered with quick, confident
authority. He sat quietly observing Sarek.
"I ask
forgiveness, sir."
"Do not
misunderstand me – Amanda is an honorable wife. Your mother and I cherish her.
She is the wife-of-our-son. She has proven herself to be a dutiful and
trustworthy mate, deserving of all protection and provision from you.
"But did you ever
consider how your decision would affect others? Perhaps your logic rationalized
your behavior. While your choice of bond-mate was highly self-serving, it has
proven to have positive consequences. Is it possible that Spock's decision,
while also self-serving, has the same potential?"
Sarek sat quietly,
looking at his father, having no further response to what was a most logical
question. "Father, I must meditate
upon your insight. With your permission, I will take my leave of you."
"Of
course. Live long and prosper, sa-fu," Skon
replied.
As Sarek departed the
office and journeyed home, he carefully considered what his father said. Sarek
began to question his reasoning for defying Spock's choice of career. He was so
accustomed to knowing what to do, what to say, to being in command in a
confrontational situation…it was disconcerting to be in a position where the
rules no longer applied. Upon returning home, he found a message waiting for
him from Skon on the comm-unit.
"Sarek'am, I have meditated upon our conversation. I will
share with you words of wisdom my father shared with me before you were born.
He said 'until you have a son, you will never know the satisfaction that
resonates in the katra of a father as he looks upon his son… you
will never know the honor and duty that drives a father to accomplish more than
he thought himself capable and pass that to his son…and you will never know the
shattered katras of men who were haunted by the sirshos'im, the eater of souls – that kept them from
being the kind of men they wanted their sons to become'.
"Sarek, Sa-fu t'nash-veh - my son, there must always be a struggle
between the father and the son: one seeks control and the other independence,
and the identity of each is often obscured, and frequently interchanged. Dutiful
fathers make dutiful sons. He who is a dutiful son will become a dutiful
father. Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his
example as well as his advice. A father's desire for his son is to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern is not lost
to the universe.
"You will make
your own decision regarding Spock, but do not forget that he is compelled by an
inner turmoil. He directly suffers the
consequences of your choices. I do not condemn you for them… perhaps you will
remember that before you condemn him for them.
Live long, and prosper,
Sarek'am."
End-meal that evening had been particularly unsatisfying in
that his own son would rather have imploded like a dying star than stay one
iota longer than etiquette demanded. His wife was not eating, and had left him
sitting there in silence. He decided that a visit to the gardens after cleaning
the kitchen would help. Perhaps he would have a few moments to talk with Amanda
and learn why she was apparently angry with him.
He found himself in
the wet plant conservatory looking at her ferns. They were fascinating plants
to him – delicate, soft, and so very green. He observed that her rose was not
as healthy as it had been, and as he walked past the recycling unit he noticed
a shard of pottery was jammed in the hinge, preventing the door form shutting
properly. He pulled it out and discovered the destroyed plant. He realized that it was intentionally
damaged… this was not due to being dropped or accidentally knocked off the
workbench. It had been decimated. Noting it was past 2100 hours and Amanda had
not joined him in the gardens as usual, he went inside and closed the house for
the evening.
As he entered their
room, he heard her breathing in the darkness. He reached out over their bond to
sense her emotional state, but she was shielding her thoughts and feelings from
him. Most unusual.
He undressed, pulled the blanket back and climbed into bed with his wife
thinking perhaps she would prefer some of her favorite 'cuddling', but when he
tried to bring his body up to hers, she pushed him away. That only happened
when she was very angry with him.
Sarek felt confused.
He woke at 0500 hours
to meditate and prepare for the day when he encountered Spock in the family
room holding a holopic of their family in his hands.
Sarek watched Spock put the picture into his satchel and set the bag on the
table.
"Good morning, Sa’mekh," Spock said quietly, not really making eye
contact with his father.
"Good morning,
Spock."
"I would speak
with you, sir," Spock said formally.
“Perhaps the veranda?"
They walked outside.
Spock did not wish his mother to be awakened by the ensuing conversation. He
felt a strong indication that it would not be a pleasant one. They stood in
silence for a long moment, and then he took a deep breath, turned to his father
and spoke. "Sir, I have made my
decision."
"Excellent. I
will inform the minister of your acceptance--" Sarek was interrupted midsentence.
"No sir, you
misunderstand me. I will be accepting my posting to
Sarek was stunned.
Rather than allow his son to see an outward reflection of what he felt inside,
he presented Spock with a most stoic and impenetrable face.
Spock had never seen
his father as such. It was… unsettling to him. He stood quietly and waited for
the onslaught, but it did not come. Something much worse did.
"Spock, do you
realize the severity of what you are choosing?"
He nodded quietly.
"You will be
ordered to commit acts of violence without question…you will be forced to
choose a morally-lacking lifestyle. Moral excellence only comes about as a
result of habit, Spock."
"Father, I seek
discipline and structure. These things encourage moral excellence--" Spock
was the one interrupted now.
"We have become
just by committing just acts; temperate by committing our minds to temperate
contemplation; logical by thinking logically. To live a life of service – the
life goal of every Vulcan – is to glimpse the nature and essence of a
prosperous life. You dishonor that, Spock."
Spock did not give a
response to his father's assault.
"Spock, the true
satisfaction of life is to reach wider horizons of thought – to be at peace
within ourselves so that we are at peace with those around us… this is the
satisfaction of life. You would cast this aside for your own desires?"
Sarek asked.
"Father," Spock responded softly, "I have seen
what I can be. Now it is only logical that I do what I must to realize the
truth that exists in spending my life making mistakes. I will accomplish more
by doing that alone than by doing nothing at all."
"The life of
scientific study is not a nullified existence. It is a life of creative
exploration, and benefits intellectual growth," Sarek answered coldly.
"Yes sir, and creativity comes from pure trust. I trust my
instincts," Spock answered.
"You would kill
for creativity? Your efforts for good would be plundered, Spock. You will be
harmed by those you will serve."
"Father, I will
be neither a victim, nor perpetrator – and most certainly I will not be a
bystander. It is wise to choose for myself; but it is foolish to allow another
to choose for me. There is no self-respect in that."
"Spock, your
pride is the crux of your error. It is the mask of your faults, and the unsolicited
admission of your weakness." Sarek's gaze penetrated the young Vulcan
ferociously.
"I regret that
you disagree with my decision, my father. Nevertheless, it stands as
made."
"Spock, if you
choose to disregard all that you are, to ignore your culture, to ill consider
the voices of the millions of Vulcans who have come before you, you will not
exist to me," Sarek said quietly.
Spock only
nodded. "Mene sakkat ur-seveh, Osamekh." He turned gently and walked back into the
house and a few moments later he entered his mother's garden house, and then
returned to the patio.
"Father, perhaps
after a time, you will think better of me. I am grateful for everything you and
mother have given me. Peace and long life to you." He stood quietly for a
moment and then a transporter beam dissolved him into thin air.
Sarek turned to the
desert beyond the walls of their garden and contemplated the Sas-a-Shar. A few moments later Amanda emerged from the
quiet house. Sarek greeted her and excused himself to meditate.
As he knelt in front
of the brazier and placed incense inside, he thought about the events of the
previous twenty-four hours. Two hours later, he emerged from his meditation
only to find that Amanda, too, had left.
***
2250
Sarek found himself
again traversing the long network of hallways to visit his father. However the
sounds of life and curiosity around him were harsh in his ears. The sunlight
seemed to burn into him, bringing only discord and incongruity. He stood in
front of the door and just as he was about to open it, Skon opened it for him.
"Good morning, Safu," Skon said quietly.
"Good morning,
Father."
They sat at the small
conference table in Skon's office and shared tea together in a protracted
silence.
"Sarek, have you
heard from her?" Skon asked, finally ending the quiet.
"Yes. She still
does not wish to speak with me regarding the matter of Spock. She does send her
greetings to you and mother, and wishes you both longevity and peace."
"You will extend
our greetings to her at your next conversation, my son. We wish her prosperity
and long life. Has she responded to any of your requests for reconciliation,
son?"
"She has not as
of yet." Sarek looked away from his father's ever-gentle observation.
Skon watched his son
and realized just how wounded he was by her absence. "Safu, what have you gleaned from
these experiences?" Skon asked, sipping his tea.
Sarek looked away from
him for a few moments and then responded.
“Father, I remember Amanda describing her experience giving birth to
Spock as one of the most difficult and painful of her life. She also said it
was a turning point in her life wherein she realized and accepted the pain as a
tempering flame, growing stronger from passing through it.
"She did not have
the benefit of pain management meditation, and bore the suffering in its
fullness. I witnessed her acceptance of it and with each contraction, she came
closer to granting Spock the opportunity to live or to die, for his life to
unfold as it would, knowing that she had done everything in her power to
prepare him for it.
"My aduna has greater
strength than I do, Father. When it came time for me to allow Spock the
opportunity to pass into the next phase of his life, to be reborn into the
academic caste, I could not allow him to do so on his terms. I failed to learn
from her experience." Sarek sat quietly, teacup in hand.
Skon looked at him and
then responded. "Sarek'am, every father harbors
innate needs that are only satisfied when he meets specific objectives, such as
providing shelter, food, and protection to his mate. But he also must
demonstrate how to live.
"In many ways a
father must satisfy multiple roles for his mate and children. As a Provider, he
ensures their basic needs are met – they’re educated and nurtured. As a
Supporter, he enables his children to develop to a healthy standard. His
determination to fulfill expectations with precision and accuracy provides a
template with which his children develop those skills for themselves. They in
turn will reveal the same skills to their children. It is the natural course of
things," Skon finished quietly.
"And in that
regard, I have failed my son and damaged my wife's trust," Sarek said
quietly.
"No, Sa-fu. Failure would be an inability or
unwillingness to recognize these problems. Failure would be pride disallowing
amending them in as much as possible for you to do so. Failure would constitute
your refusal to communicate these thoughts to your wife. Your first commitment
is to her."
Sarek looked at his
father searchingly, knowing that he must share these thoughts with her. It
would be the first step toward repairing their damaged relationship. “I understand, Father," Sarek said,
rising to depart. "Live long and prosper, Osamekh."
His father returned
the gesture and expression. Just before Sarek was out of earshot, he spoke once
more. "Sarek'am, how long has she been
gone?"
"Fifty-two weeks,
four days, three hours, twenty-six minutes, nineteen seconds – and
counting," he replied, turning and heading straight for his home. Once in
his office, Sarek sat in front of the comm-unit and
composed a message to Amanda.
My Aduna
I bring greetings from
my mother and father. They wish you prosperity and long life, and thank you for
your thoughts of them. Amanda… I have arrived at an understanding of myself
that I did not have before you departed. I will share this with you now, and
ask you to consider these thoughts as you decide whether or not you will
reconcile with me, and return to Vulcan.
I found myself challenged by the very nature
of Spock's rite of passage. Do you remember when you described giving birth to
Spock? You called it a time of tempering, and found yourself stronger
afterward. I realized you were able to allow our safu to have the opportunity to live or die, but solely based upon his
efforts. When the time came for me to release him to his own efforts as he
sought his vocation, I was not prepared to relinquish him to his own judgment,
and I failed him; and in failing him, I caused the destruction of the trust you
placed in me as your husband.
I am not prepared to reconsider my decision
regarding Spock. I would however ask you to consider my request: return to me,
allow me to begin to repair the harm I have caused you. When we were bonded, we
made a claim to be parted from one another, but never parted; we exchanged vows
in your Terran ceremony to be parted by nothing but death.
T'hy'la, I ask you to consider returning to me, and provide me with the
opportunity to restore our relationship. I find it decidedly unsatisfying that
you are not here with me.
Mene sakkat ur-seveh, Aduna.
Sarek sent the message with all possible speed. He sat back
in her chair at her desk and waited for the delivery confirmation. At 1,256
credits, it was the most expensive message he had ever sent. He contemplated a
poem that had given him profound counsel in the past weeks, and waited for her
response to him.
Time Shall Tell by Sukasah Syahdan
Time shall tell where the real
warfare begins: every soul.
Var-tor wak dungi wilat palikau
yeht ahkhan - - kanok katra.
Time shall tell who succeeds in
self-pity: no one.
Var-tor wak dungi navan vi
b'elak paar - - rai veh.
Time shall tell foes apart from
friends: no difference.
Var-tor wak dungi nemut k'wuhli
fasei t'hylara - -rai natyan.
Time shall tell who possesses
ultimate truth: no one.
Var-tor wak dungi ma vi da-nek
yeht'es - - rai veh.