Title: Reflections
Author: T'Sia
Rating: G
Summary: A snapshot of Spock's first Christmas on Earth.

"But I have never stopped looking at clouds before. Or rainbows. I can tell you exactly why one appears in the sky, but considering its beauty has always been out of the question."  

~ Spock, This Side Of Paradise.

Authors note: This quote and the upcoming Christmas season inspired me to write the story.

~*~

Amanda opened her eyes and instantly knew something was amiss. She extended a hand to the alarm clock, but it took her some time to find it and activate the light so that she could see what time it was. She blinked and wiped the sleep from her eyes then she frowned upon seeing it was early morning and not yet time to get up. It must still be dark outside for only the dim light of the alarm clock illuminated the room and she briefly wondered where she was until she remembered that she was on Earth in her parent's home during a visit for the Christmas season. That explained the strange sound of the howling wind outside. She thought briefly and then knew what made the difference. On Vulcan a storm always carried sand and it was that low grinding sound of the fine particles hitting the outer walls of their house that she missed here. It had begun to snow last evening and over night the weather seemed to have made a turn for the worse and grown into a blizzard. She had no doubt they would find a lot of snow in the morning. Her thoughts returned to the present and she remembered that this was actually her old room and her old bed. With the memory came the question of why she woke up. She activated the light and looked at the small travel bed Spock laid in when they went to bed a few hours earlier. The bed was empty. Where could he be?

The restroom, maybe, she thought and decided to wait until he returned. When he didn't come back after a few minutes she got up, concerned. Maybe he had caught something from the other kids they had met on the public skating rink yesterday. Maybe he was sick now. She hissed when the cold in the room hit her once she flipped back the blanket. The sensation was deceiving, though. She knew it was warm enough in the room. It must be her being used to the higher temperatures on Vulcan that made her feel cold all the time here. She put on a sweater and matching cotton slacks and left the room.

She knocked lightly on the door to the bathroom. "Spock?" she called out softly. "Are you in there?" She did not get an answer and her concern grew. She deactivated the lights in the hall and stepped back to look at the threshold to the bathroom. There was no light to be seen. Maybe he wasn't inside. She carefully tried the door handle and the door opened. She activated the light and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the room was empty. Her relief didn't last long, however, when the nagging question returned. If Spock wasn't here, where could he be? She closed the door and went down the stairs to check for him.

Halfway down the stairs she was greeted by soft light, shining up from a room on the first floor. She frowned and slowed her steps, careful not to make a sound. When she arrived at the foot of the stairs she saw the light was coming from the living room and she tiptoed to the entrance and glanced inside. What she saw made her shoulders sag in relief. She leaned against the doorframe and gazed silently into the room, her features growing soft and her mouth curling in a gentle smile.

In one corner of the room stood this year's Christmas tree, fully decorated, the numerous red and golden Christmas baubles and stars shimmering in the light of the small lights attached to the branches. At the foot of the tree sat her four year old son who looked up in awe at the gorgeous play of light and reflection. It was the first Christmas celebration of his young life.

On Vulcan they did not celebrate Christmas among their small family. It had never been a point she and Sarek had actively discussed, but somehow silently agreed on. Amanda thought that he might indulge her should she ever ask for decorations or a tree, even if it would probably be an artificial tree. However, to her, Christmas had always been something related to Earth and her family. On Vulcan the tree and celebration would be meaningless if the family couldn't be with her. Since she and Sarek had also decided to raise their son as a Vulcan there was no point in teaching him how to practice Earth customs. They agreed, though, to make him study the traditions of his human heritage once he became of age. So they waited until Spock was old enough to make the voyage to Earth and this year had been the right time. He had seen the tree yesterday already, but then it had not been lighted. During the night a timer had activated the lights so that the tree would shine in the morning. She had to agree with Spock – who seemed entirely captivated – that the view and the rich scent of the tree were much more impressive when the room was all dark except for the soft glow of the fairy lights.

Oddly enough for a child his age he didn't seem interested in all the colourful boxes arranged under the tree, but seemed to only have eyes for the decorations. He sat with his back to her and she watched as the lights from the tree reflected on the dark cap of his glossy hair when he turned his head to inspect a golden star-shaped ornament hanging close and then lifted a hand to very carefully touch the delicate piece. The small star swung in the air when he released it and its shiny surface bounced back the beams emitted by numerous small lights in the tree.

From this position she could see part of his face and her smile deepened upon seeing his delight that was as bright as the highlights dancing across his features. Nevertheless, no matter how much joy his behaviour gave her it also made her sad for she knew that all too soon the Vulcan training would not allow him to express the emotion he felt when looking at an image of beauty, even in private moments such as this. These open expressions had become rare since he had started to take his first lessons in Vulcan control, so rare that even she, as his mother, couldn't tell when she had last seen him so delighted. She knew it was still in him now to just sit and enjoy watching this Christmas tree and its splendour.  But he was to be raised as a Vulcan. Would he allow himself to consider beauty in the future or would there be no room for this part of his heritage?  How much of his unique character would be left?

She was startled back to reality when he quickly turned his head and then stood to face her, his hands clasped behind his back. She smiled quickly to erase the sorrow from her features and walked towards him. She knelt in front of him and stroked a hand over his hair and then rested it on his cheek. "Good morning, precious. Did I disturb you?"

"No, mother. I have merely been…" He briefly bit his lower lip, searching for the proper Vulcan phrase.

"Studying the tree?" Amanda helped and winked.

The corners of his mouth twitched in a hint of a smile which he tried to master. "Yes, Mother."

"How did you see me?" she asked.

"I saw your reflection here," he answered and pointed to a big red Christmas bauble dangling from a thick branch.

"Ah, a keen observer," Amanda said and smiled. She noticed he shivered lightly, the temperature in the room being too low for his Vulcan metabolism. She looked at the couch with a blanket lying atop on one end. "You can even see the tree better when you sit on the couch," she said and walked over to sit. He followed but remained standing beside the couch, looking at the tree and still shivering. She made herself comfortable in a half sitting position and spread the blanket over her. He looked at her and the blanket, then at the tree and she knew he wished to continue watching, but he felt miserably cold.

She would have to offer him a 'logical' reason or he would continue to stand there and be cold because, in his mind, it might seem un-Vulcan if he crawled under the blanket beside her.

"You know Spock, sitting and watching the tree and musing is something that is also customary on Christmas. It is called reflection, and you are supposed to study human traditions, are you not?"

Spock glanced at her and nodded reluctantly.

"But being cold is not part of the custom. Besides, if you fall ill with a cold you can no longer observe."

He looked silently at her and blinked sedately with his big brown eyes, but she knew he was still arguing with himself.

"So the logical conclusion is?" she coaxed him.

Then, very reluctantly his lips twitched in a hint of a smile and she knew she had convinced him. She held open the blanket in invitation and he crawled in beside her. She put her arms around him and wrapped them both tightly in the warm fabric. He leaned against her and relaxed when the warmth of her body caused the shivers to stop. So they sat and watched the tree while the black sky outside turned slowly grey, big feathery snowflakes still falling from the thick clouds covering it. Amanda could not fathom what Spock might be reflecting about, but her thoughts were troubled. She knew these moments of closeness between mother and son would soon come to an end, even though Spock was still so young. Vulcan training would not allow such close contact anymore. Maybe it would even be the last time she could hold him like this. Who could know? She felt sorrow at the thought, but she was also comforted by the understanding that no one could ever take the gift of this moment from her and no teaching whatsoever could erase that memory from her son's mind either. The knowledge reassured her and she planted a soft kiss on Spock's hair and then gently leaned her cheek on his head.

Merry Christmas, she thought.

The End