Title: Temptation

Author: T'Sia

Summary: The challenge was: Take a line of a song. I chose "Nothing you confess could make me love you less". I thought maybe Sarek & Amanda weren't utterly happy from start and there would be challenges. But it's up to the characters to resist the temptations successfully…

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the idea of Star Trek. I just add my own once in a while.
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"No, no really I can't come. My time is so sparse… Yes, yes I know but… no, listen…" Terrel wiped a hand over his face, glad the connection didn't allow a visual so that his aunt wouldn't see his frantic expression while he tried to find a suitable explanation for not attending the dinner she was giving tonight. When he removed his hand from his face he blinked at the figure he saw standing in the doorframe. His mouth set into a wide grin and revealed snow white teeth that shone in contrast to the dark tone of his skin. He motioned for the young woman to enter his office. "What? Oh, yes, I'm still here. Why I can't come? Well," he cast a glance at the woman, "I have a date. I gotta run now. Hm? Yeah, you know her and yes I'll take care. Yes… yes… yes… bye then, Aunt Mayna." Quickly, he cut the connection. "Whew, Amanda you just saved my life."

"It seems to be my destiny to rescue you from your social obligations towards your aunt. She's a nice woman. You should visit her once in a while," Amanda answered.

"Yes, I know." Terrel smiled back, then he got up from his seat. "Speaking of visits, I can't believe you're here," he said while he approached her quickly. He flung his arms around her and whirled them around. She yelped in surprise and it seemed to him that she felt a tad stiff in his arms when he set her down. He smiled a bit insecure. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

Amanda nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "No problem. It just seems the Vulcan manner is influencing me."

It was intended to be a joke but Terrel could see by the way her eyes nervously avoided his that her words sounded more serious than she had intended. Something was wrong. Terrel took her hands, again noticing how she resisted withdrawing them. "Hey, you okay?"

Amanda's heart skipped a beat. She had not intended for anyone to see behind her façade that easily. She felt the barriers she had erected around her pain trembling when Terrel gently held her hands in the natural human manner she had so sorely missed. The trace of doubt gave her a painful stab. She couldn't betray her decision like that. She had chosen the life at Sarek's side and she loved him with all her heart. She would never give him up just to satisfy her own needs. As time would pass she would adapt to the lack of easy physical touch and would no longer feel the need to be shown emotion when she could also feel them. Despite her pain she smiled brightly at Terrel. "Yes, I'm fine – and I'm happy," she answered, comforted by the knowledge that she was not actually lying. She was very happy were it not for… She suppressed the thought before she really gave herself away. "I'm sorry, but I haven't got much time. I'm on the way to my parents and just wanted to say 'hello' while Sarek is in a meeting with the embassy staff."

Terrel bit his lip briefly, not entirely believing her. Something about her delightful manner was artificial. She wasn't the same radiant woman who had left Earth six months prior. He had to find out what was troubling her. "You know what? I'll give you a ride."

Amanda loosened her hands from his. "Oh no, Terrel, that isn't necessary, really. I'll call an embassy shuttle."

Terrel wagged a finger at her. "No, no. Don't you play hard to get, lady. I insist." He flashed his brightest smile – the one that always had an effect on her.   

Amanda frowned. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to visit Terrel after all. If she wanted to keep up a façade why did she go to the person who would look behind it the easiest? On the way to his flitter she pondered the idea whether she had unconsciously visited him because she wanted someone to see her pain. No! Impossibl. All she wanted was to visit her friends and her family.

Her condition worsened during the way to her parent's house, however. She couldn't even listen to Terrel's report about his projects during the way, so great was her desire to get home. The closer they got to her house, the greater grew her homesickness – much stronger than it had ever been on Vulcan. When they landed at the access road to her family's house the close proximity made the barriers almost fall and she swallowed back tears. She doubted she would be able to keep up the façade of confidence and happiness she had hoped to be able to eradiate. But she knew her mother would understand and comfort her even if she did not bring the experiences home she had hoped she would. 

"Here we are," Terrel said when they stopped in front of the house. He cast an insecure glance at his passenger. Amanda had become quieter and quieter the closer they came to her old home. Her behaviour worried him greatly. She didn't seem to hear him when she got out of the flitter and almost rushed up to the front door. He got out too and followed her up the steps. He thought he saw a slight tremor running through Amanda before she squared her shoulders and rang the doorbell. A panel to the side of the door lit up and after Amanda had entered a code, a recorded message told them her parents were not at home for three weeks. Terrel watched Amanda tensely when she didn't react.

"Amanda?" he tried carefully.

She lifted her head and turned around. "Well, it seems I came in vain. Such bad luck," she said and tried to smile but her lips merely trembled and her shivering voice belied the emotions she was feeling. She tried to control her despair about not being able to feel the closeness and reassurance of her parents she so sorely needed. But she failed to compose herself and her feelings overwhelmed her. Quickly she turned away from Terrel and covered her face with her hands to suppress a sob. She didn't succeed but just as a wave of embarrassment and regret build up, she felt Terrel's warm hands on her shoulders. He turned her gently and although she wanted to resist she felt herself lean into his touch and the barrier broke while she cried into his chest. He held her and stroked her back and hair. He said nothing – he was just here to comfort her and that was all she needed. 

When her sobs had eased they sat on the porch swing and she told him everything she had not been able to tell anyone on Vulcan. The words bubbled out of her in an unstoppable flow. She told him that she and Sarek lived currently in his parent's house until their own was finished and how much it hurt her that he would not touch her as often as he had done before and that she was not sure what was causing this behaviour. 

"Oh, Terrel, I do love him. I love him so much that it hurts," she blinked at him through teary eyes, "but what if I can't adapt? The bond isn't working properly since we live with his parents. I don't know what it is, whether he muted it on purpose because I can't shield enough or whether it's my doing. And then there's the silence.  Sometimes we sit at the dinner table with his parents and everything is so emotionally sterile that I want to scream just to feel that I'm still alive. I'm so afraid that one day I will and I know it will embarrass him so." Again she buried her face in her hands. "I'm so afraid of losing him, Terrel. I'm so afraid of losing us. I can't bear the thought but neither can I bear this insecurity." Fresh tears ran over her cheeks.

"Shhh." Terrel comforted her and drew her back into his arms. What could he tell her? That he had been afraid it would be like this since she had told him about her intention to marry the Vulcan? He felt shame that his anger towards Sarek was greater than his ability to focus on Amanda. He leaned his cheek against her head and felt a fierce protectiveness. "I should have never let you go," he murmured into her hair. He didn't feel how Amanda's sobs abruptly stopped. "I'm so sorry," he said and placed a tender kiss on her hair. Something told him he had no right to do that. She was a married woman – they were friends! But he couldn't stop himself when his lips travelled to Amanda's forehead.

Amanda held her breath. What was he doing? This wasn't friendship anymore, was it? She should stop it – why didn't she? Why did it feel so good to be touched in a human fashion? She felt Terrel's lips travel down the side of her face and her heart beat wildly. Her body betrayed her; it was actually enjoying the touch. She couldn't let it happen – she didn't want it to happen. She loved Sarek! When Terrel's lips brushed the corners of her mouth she knew this was her last chance to stop. Fear went through her when she felt his breath on her lips. When he tilted his head to press his mouth on hers she turned her face away. The gesture was subtle but the rejection clear. Terrel drew back and as if a spell had been broken. Amanda got up from the bench and made a few steps back, hugging herself. Then she stroked a shivering hand through her hair and turned away from the sight of Terrel sitting on the bench and staring down at his hands. She couldn't believe what they had almost done. She heard Terrel getting up from the bench. She whirled and held her hands out to keep him at distance. It calmed her somewhat, though, that he seemed as startled as she felt.

"Amanda… I don't know why I did that. I… I'm truly sorry," he said, spreading his arms in a helpless gesture.

Amanda blinked and flung her arms around herself. "It didn't happen," she whispered. "As far as I'm concerned it didn't even threaten to happen." She didn't await his answer and went back to the flitter. 

On the way back Terrel glanced nervously at Amanda. Was she just stunned or angry with him? Well for the latter she had every reason to be. What was he thinking when he tried to kiss her? They were friends and she was married… The alert sound of another flitter startled him out of his thoughts. Quickly he brought back the vehicle to his side of the driving lane. He looked at Amanda but she stared blindly out of the window. When they stopped in front of the Vulcan embassy an awkward moment of silence stretched between them. 

"I will go now," Amanda finally broke the silence and reached for the door handle.

Terrel laid a hand on her arm and waited until she looked up to him.  "I'm sorry Amanda, I really am. I just lost it. You were so vulnerable, so small. I felt the urge to protect you."

"I don't need your protection, Terrel. I have difficulties of adapting but I'm not treated badly. I love my husband. What I do need is the support of a friend."

Terrel lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry."

Amanda shook her head, trying to ignore the nagging voice inside her that told her she was to blame for the situation also. She had let it happen. "Me too," she answered. But the nagging voice didn't subside until she confessed, "Well, I might have given mixed signals." There, that did at least make her feel a bit better. But still she felt responsible and he was too. "I don't know.  I need time to think about this." 

Terrel looked up at her and cursed himself upon seeing her sad eyes. "Bye," she whispered and left the flitter before he could answer.

"Bye," he murmured although she couldn't hear him anymore.

~*~

Amanda's gaze travelled up in the bathroom mirror and she shrank back from the guilt in her eyes. She had hoped to be able to dismiss the events of the afternoon. Over and over she told herself that nothing had happened that she needed to be ashamed about. But her feelings didn't listen to her rational thoughts. She quickly continued combing her hair when Sarek entered the bathroom.

"Did you visit your parents this afternoon?" he asked.

Amanda laughed nervously. "No, Terrel." She faltered when she spoke the name. "Terrel was so nice to bring me to the house but they weren't home."

Sarek hesitated when he detected the uneasy tone in her voice. "Is something wrong, aduna?" 

Amanda blinked and her lips trembled briefly. "No. No, I'm fine," she said in a clipped tone and left the bathroom.

Sarek sedately put down his brush and followed her. He had detected an increasing nervousness during their stay on Vulcan. He had assumed she would appreciate the travel to Earth but instead of alleviating her condition, the trip to her parents seemed to have worsened it. She was definitely tense this evening. Maybe a relaxation technique would help her, he thought and stepped up behind her while she closed the curtains. His hands reached for her shoulders and he opened the bond between their minds. To his surprise she actually tried to shield her thoughts and jumped beneath his touch when he gently squeezed her muscles. "You are tense, aduna. Please allow me to attend thee."

Hidden from her husband's view, Amanda's eyes filled with tears. It was like bitter irony that he would search her company now. Had he just done that earlier nothing would have happened, she thought angrily. Evading his touch she quickly crossed the room. "This isn't necessary," she said and slipped under the covers, careful to keep her face away from Sarek. She knew, however, this tactic was only buying her time. He wasn't that easily fooled. Just as she had expected she heard him approach the bed. But instead of rounding it to reach her side she felt the mattress sagging on his side when he slipped under the covers. He moved over to her and laid a hand on her shoulder. 

"What troubles thee, aduna? You are not feeling well." His deep voice vibrated closely behind her. Gently he tugged at her shoulder and finally she gave up and let him roll her on her back. She felt his fingers stroke the side of her face and her fury roared up like an angry flame. 

Sarek drew back his hand. She had involuntarily submitted all her loneliness and agony of the last few months over the bond. He was astonished. How could he have missed the fact that she felt this abandoned? He had obviously greatly underestimated the power of her needs. He was a fool. Amanda sat up abruptly and he slowly followed her into a sitting position. There was something else…

"I am sorry," Amanda whispered.

"What for?"

"I told you that Terrel took me to my parent's house." She started and faltered. She took a nervous glance over her shoulder but quickly averted her face when her gaze met his. She didn't know how to tell him. What would he do? Would he leave her? The insecurity was unbearable and before she could stop herself the words blurted out. "I was devastated that they weren't home. Terrel comforted me… he held me… and then… he tried to kiss me," she finished with a whisper. "I didn't let him but…" Her voice faltered again. Sarek said nothing and when she couldn't bear the silence any longer she turned to him and reached for his hands. Tears flowed over her cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to let him come that close. I didn't want him to… please, Sarek. Believe me."

She almost expected him to get up and leave her when he loosened his hands from hers. Numb with surprise she felt him draw her into his arms. The mental connection came to life and cocooned her like a warm blanket. 

"You are not angry with me?" Amanda's muffled voice could be heard. Then she lifted her face from his chest. Sarek's brown eyes were soft upon her and Amanda felt the tension in her ease.  Only a trace of guilt remained for what had almost happened between her and Terrel. 

Sarek slowly shook his head and his thoughts rang in her mind, //Aduna, nothing you confess could make me cherish thee less.//  "Anger is illogical. I was in error, aduna," he spoke aloud. "It is my duty to apologize for neglecting your needs."

"But… how could you have known? I never told you."

"Indeed you did not. We did not speak to each other," he added, a confession of his own failure to communicate with his wife. Slowly he stroked her cheek. "But now your thoughts tell more than words ever could," his voice dropped to a whisper, "and so does your refusal of another man." 

Amanda lowered her head but Sarek framed her face with his hands and gently forced her to look up at him. "There must never be silence between us again, Amanda." 

Although he sounded demure she could feel his affection for her and the relief about mutual confession and promise enveloped her mind.

"Never," she simply echoed when their gazes locked.

THE END