Unexpected

Title: Unexpected

Author: Starfleetdream

Series: TOS
Codes: Sa/Am
Rating: [M]
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't profit
Feedback: Yes, please
Summary: When asked how they met, she only responds, "at a conference"

A/N: Many thanks to the reviewers who encouraged me to extend this story beyond Chapter 3. Special thanks to sf.fangirl for her insightful comments and previewing!

Unexpected

Chapter 1: Compassion and Need

The Ninth Intra-Quadrant Conference on Applied Language Studies and Translation was well-attended and off to an excellent start on Cygnus 9’s Alpha Planetoid until the unexpected radiation storm forced a total evacuation. Long range scanners had picked up the violent belch of deadly radiation from Cygnus 9’s white dwarf companion in the morning, midway through the plenary session. There were only a few hours within which everyone had to be evacuated to escape the storm.

Federation Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan sank down on a crate in a storage compartment on a dingy Andorian freighter, relieved to be alone at last. The slow-moving, barely functional vessel had been the very last to leave Alpha Planetoid, and indeed it escaped with only minutes to spare before the storm moved in. Having ordered the Surak away with a full load of evacuees much earlier, Sarek had remained to coordinate the rest of the evacuation effort to ensure that no one was left behind. In addition to the fact that his skills were needed to mobilize the hastily organized effort, it was logical that he remain until the last; his life was already forfeit anyway.

He had noticed the signs only the night before, but they proceeded with what he knew was a lethal swiftness, like the storm. A victim of his own biology and the unpredictable effects of frequent space travel on his internal cycles, plus his relative youth, he knew this time he was in a nearly impossible situation. They were six days from Vulcan at the maximum warp speed of even the Surak; he had no bond mate; and there were no Vulcan females in the conference delegation. His being here at this place and time with no contingency plan amounted to a massive oversight, and the fault was his own. He had barely made it through his keynote speech without anyone noticing his deteriorating condition.

Now, as he could feel his emotional control slipping and his internal chemical imbalance increasing, Sarek briefly considered whether he should have informed his delegation’s healer, who could have at least performed tal shaya when he reached the terminal point. No, he thought, making his situation known would have only resulted in a more prolonged, public, and ultimately painful process than what he could accomplish alone. Or so he hoped. In the last several hours he had contemplated a number of swift and effective ways of resolving this problem but was frustrated by an irrational will to live that refused, as yet, to surrender to logic. A sudden, hard shudder wracked his frame, worse than any so far, and he could not suppress a load moan.

---

Dr. Amanda Grayson boarded the freighter just as emergency last calls were being made. After ensuring that the last few workers who lived year-round on the planetoid, as well as a few children whose parents were off-planet, had found their way safely onto transports, she hurried to the last open gangway. The cargo freighter had no real passenger seating to speak of, was barely functional as far as she could tell from the strained engine noises, and possessed a questionable stench that seemed to permeate every compartment. Walking down the dimly lit corridor in search of a place to camp out for the eight-day journey, Amanda told herself to be glad she was alive. Only this morning she had been preparing to give her plenary address at the Applied Language conference and now she was a refugee. Well, one never knew what to expect in space.

She was about to turn a corner when she was startled by a cry of pain, coming from somewhere nearby. Concerned that someone might have been injured during the evacuation, she stopped, but was greeted only by silence. There were no quarters down here, nor any place suitable for passengers, only cargo storage. The first three compartments were locked, a fourth empty, but the fifth one opened for her and she could see cargo in the dim light, haphazardly arranged. She was about to close the door and look elsewhere when she heard another sound from within, this time a loud, in-drawn hiss also seemingly borne of intense pain.

“Hello?” she called out, venturing inside cautiously. “Is someone here?” She repeated her query in Andor.

When he heard the voice, Sarek suppressed another groan. Emotions warred within him, sending conflicting impulses to his brain. Intruder – attack! No; I must seclude myself – be silent! But the voice is female… Again, his tenacious and uncooperative will to live overrode the other impulses. He tried to respond to the voice, but doubled over in pain as he was, he could only manage a muffled gurgle.

Suddenly Amanda spied him, hunched over on a crate. Definitely injured or gravely ill. With a shock she recognized him as Ambassador Sarek, who had just given the conference’s keynote address this morning. She had also seen him directing the evacuation efforts. His transformation into the man now before her was dramatic. She hurried closer. “Ambassador?” she asked, concern clear in her voice.

The hunched over figure startled at her sudden movement. His narrowed, feverish eyes revealed distrust, pain, and an array of confusing emotions she could not interpret. “Ambassador, you look unwell. I’m Dr. Grayson, Amanda Grayson, one of the speakers from the conference.” He clearly didn’t recognize her or didn’t understand why she was here, probably both. “We haven’t met,” Amanda added somewhat unnecessarily. Of course he would know that.

They were supposed to have met this evening; she had been seated at his table for the dinner reception, and she had been looking forward to meeting him. His keynote about the scholarly origins of the Universal Translator had been brilliant, far more insightful than the usual diplomatic pablum served up at these events by visiting dignitaries. She admired his work as well. As a linguist with a focus on xeno-cultural studies, she appreciated that a great deal of his diplomatic work involved reaching across cultures to understand and bridge real differences, a far cry from haggling over trade agreements. This was why he was in frequently in demand as a peace negotiator. Even though she had never spoken a word to him she believed they probably shared similar beliefs and philosophies, and she had been curious to test that hypothesis. Now did not seem to be a good time, however.

Sarek struggled to pull his mind out of the heavy fog engulfing it. She was female, yes, although a human. He recognized her from the conference program as one of the plenary speakers; one relatively young for her species yet unusually accomplished in her field. His eyes involuntarily focused on the long strand of her light-colored hair that had come loose from its bun. Female… NO! he told himself. You cannot force yourself on her. She knows nothing of this; it would be wrong… Staring at her as he shuddered again, all he could manage to get out was a growled, “This is a private matter. Leave me.”

When she did not move, he narrowed his eyes at her. “Are you armed?”

“No!” Amanda replied indignantly.

“You should be,” Sarek replied, gritting his teeth against the now-continuous shuddering.

“What? You’re not making any sense, Ambassador. Let me find you a doctor –“

“No – please! No healer can help me. I merely require…seclusion until this …ends. You should leave.”

Something in the fatalistic tone of his voice told her he wasn’t simply waiting for his symptoms to pass. “You’re – you’re not…dying, are you?” Now really worried, she stepped closer to see him better.

“Stay away!” Sarek exclaimed urgently, much to her surprise. He struggled with his rapidly eroding control. He longed to inhale her scent, touch her skin… No. Amanda had never heard a Vulcan even raise his voice before. She stopped moving toward him, but held her ground. “Why?” she asked. “Are you contagious?”

With effort, he responded. “No. But I am …a danger…to you. I do not know how long I can …control… my actions…” He trailed off, momentarily exhausted from the speech.

Suddenly something clicked in Amanda’s mind. “This-- this is pon farr, isn’t it? Is that what you’re going through?”

Emotional control gone, Sarek just goggled at her, wide–eyed and shocked. “Where did you hear of this?” he hissed.

“My research. I’ve translated a large number of ancient Vulcan documents. I accidentally came across one that described this …condition. And I know it’s tremendously confidential. When I asked someone about it, my access to that library was revoked.” She shook her head ruefully at the memory. Stupid her -- should have just kept her mouth shut about that one for awhile. The incident had set back her research effort for months.

A rare moment of lucidity returned and Sarek drily replied, “Understandable.”

Amanda was about to make a retort when another shudder wracked his body and she remembered his grave situation. “Sarek. Let me make sure I understand this correctly. From what I read, at this time you need to…mate with someone in order to survive, is that right?” He did not respond but his thin-lipped expression told her she was correct.

“And you don’t have anyone here—?”

“Enough!” he snapped. His temper flared. It was bad enough that this most shameful secret had been revealed to an outworlder, but to have his personal situation dissected like this, by a human, no less, was intolerable. A human female… his mind wandered again. Although his eyes were narrowed and his chest was heaving in anger, he surveyed her. A healthy, quite beautiful female… A groan ripped itself from between his clenched teeth as he swung away from her. “You may have some knowledge but you do not understand. There is nothing you can do. Please, leave me with some dignity!”

Almost as if she could read his forbidden thoughts an idea occurred to Amanda. A crazy, almost unthinkable idea. But if she didn’t even think twice about risking her life to make sure workers she didn’t even know made it off Alpha Planetoid to safety, how could she ignore an option that might save another life, at no real risk to her own? OK, perhaps some risk, she re-considered, eying dents in the bulkhead and bruises on his knuckles that must have been made together. Still, what she had translated – and she was sure she had translated it correctly – was clear: a male in pon farr needed a female, and the alternative was death. It was at least worth questioning him further.

“Nothing I can do? Are you sure?”

It was as if she had whipped him, he looked so pained. “We are not bondmates,” he gritted. “I could …harm you easily. It is …not proper…”

“Do you have a bondmate?” Amanda asked. He looked away. “And is it proper for you to die when you could live?” He refused to meet her gaze, so she forged ahead. “Look, Sarek, I’m not eager to jump into this, whatever this is, exactly, but I do know it would be absolutely wrong for me to just walk away from here and let you die, if that’s what’s going to happen. Just as it would have been wrong for you not to help everyone evacuate Alpha in time. Tell me what I’m saying isn’t logical.”

He could not. He suddenly found the rule of logic and his barely controlled impulses unlikely allies in the war to decide his next actions. He stared at the floor as he spoke, slowly. “Dr. Grayson… Amanda. I am …gratified… by your …compassion. But while your argument possesses some …elements of logic, I do not believe you know fully what you offer.” Sarek looked up at her and she could see his exhausted, feverish eyes and the thin sheen of sweat that covered his skin. He doubled over in pain again with an anguished moan.

Alarmed, Amanda crouched next to him. “Sarek! What is it?”

“The fever. But you do not realize.” He choked out the words. “It is engulfing… continuous, exhausting… There is …telepathic contact. I will lose …all control… It will last for days.” He gasped again and closed his eyes, shivering uncontrollably.

That corresponded to what she’d read – but it was another thing to hear it spoken aloud, by a living being. It almost shook her resolve. “But when it’s over, you return to normal, and so does your …partner?” It was difficult to see him nod through his shivers.

Then the shivering stopped momentarily and he opened his eyes. Seeing her kneeling so close to him, his pupils flared and his hand reached for her face before he yanked it away again. “I beg forgiveness!” he cried, agonized, eyes shutting tight again. “Please, leave me before I lose control!”

Amanda considered for a moment. She knew she could be impulsive. Part of her wondered what the hell she was doing. Another part could see the logic. In her work she had learned of practices and needs stranger to her mind than this. She had spoken truthfully that she believed it wrong not to offer him help – even if that help consisted of giving him an incredibly intimate part of herself. She was unattached; doing so would hurt no one else. What little she did know of him she admired greatly, and she found him attractive – very, in fact. And, she had to admit, this whole situation had a titillating, arousing quality to it that stirred her blood. In space, you really never did know what to expect…

Chapter 2: Fever

In those few moments of silence Sarek was all too aware of the woman in front of him. Even as he tried to warn her away, he wanted her, needed her. Every sense was trained on her: her scent, her heat, her breath. He involuntarily clenched and unclenched his hands, readying them…

Amanda took a deep breath. She saw him tense. In a low voice, she said, “Sarek…I want to help you.” She was amazed at herself – I don’t even know him, yet for some reason I’m doing this… He drew in a breath of his own, his eyes locked on hers. She slowly reached out a hand and laid it on his cheek.

His reaction was lightening fast. His hands flashed out and grabbed both her wrists, pulling her toward him. She tumbled into him and instantly his fever-hot fingers were everywhere, running over every bit of her exposed skin. Suddenly, alien emotions flooded into her mind and she knew they were his, coming to her through his touch. Desire, need, lust, fear of losing control – and his control was slipping away, quickly now.

Suddenly with a growl he grabbed for her blouse and Amanda gasped as she felt the fabric tear. She couldn’t tell if it was accidental or not but it was obvious what he wanted. Hastily she pulled out of the rest of her clothes with his feverish assistance. His fingers and teeth were all over her body as she tugged at his garments. Very quickly they were both naked. Sarek looked her over hungrily. Amanda swallowed. It was incredibly provocative standing there before him – as well as incredible to look at him. She knew he was tall and lean, but had no idea of the chiseled body that was hidden under his Vulcan robes. And he was very obviously aroused. Amanda felt her breath quicken as she observed his very generous proportions, her body responding with arousal of its own.

Time stood still for a moment. For Sarek every nerve was on edge. He could smell her sex, could not wait a moment longer. Amanda was shocked as he swept her up and held her like a doll. He hastily pulled her legs around his waist, and then, with one last look into her eyes for permission, lowered her onto his waiting lok. She gasped as he penetrated up, up, and then he held her there, suspended as he caught his breath. Unbelievably, he began to thrust, bracing her back with his arms, powerful hips and thighs moving in an aggressive rhythm. Amanda had never imagined anything so erotic, and here it was, being done to her. Wanting to luxuriate in this delicious fantasy, she leaned back, tightening her muscles around his thrusting member and digging her fingers into his strong arms. She threw back her head and moaned in ecstasy as she promptly came.

As she regained some equilibrium – surprised that this was even possible in her position – she could feel his thrusts growing harder, more frantic as he neared his own climax. She pulled herself back toward his chest and thrust her tongue into his mouth, kissing him deeply. His whole body convulsed as he came explosively into her.

It seemed he rested for only a second, holding her tightly against him, before he carried her to the wall, bracing her there, and began thrusting again. “Oh my god,” she murmured, able to do little else but hold on.

Again, he came explosively; again her body shuddered through an intense orgasm of her own. And again, with barely a pause, he pulled her away from the wall and down to the floor on top of him. He gripped her hips, relishing her soft curves, as he thrust up into her. Crying out each time they came together, Amanda rode him with abandon. They both exploded together in blinding ecstasy, and she collapsed onto his chest.

Sensing her exhaustion, Sarek simply held her on top of him. The fever now in temporary remission, he could relax somewhat for the first time in days. His eyes slipped closed for a moment. He was one step closer to life.

The fever awoke him sometime later, blazing hot and painful. Need! He could not think. He needed her, the human female …Amanda. He pulled himself up on his elbows and she stirred groggily on top of him. He pulled her toward him and began nuzzling her neck, then biting, insistently, urgently.

“Oh no, Sarek, wait,” Amanda protested. “I need to find a …facility here before I do anything else.” He looked at her uncomprehendingly. She tried again. “Do you think there’s a bathroom in this storage bay?”

Sarek could not restrain his impatient growl. Obviously humans were more distractable than Vulcans. But it was also clear she would not mate with him again until her need was addressed. He gathered her up, rolled to his feet, and deposited her on a large sack of something before rummaging through their discarded clothing to find his robe. Dispensing with undergarments, he departed the compartment wordlessly.

A moment later he returned. Stepping to Amanda, he stripped off the robe and wrapped it around her shoulders. Speaking slowly, for speech was still an effort, he informed her, “Third door on the right.”

She smiled at him and he was startled by the effect it had on her features – very pleasing. “Thank you, Sarek,” Amanda replied and she rose. When she reached the door, she saw him shudder, although he tried to hide it. He met her gaze. “Please hurry,” he said simply, and Amanda was touched by the vulnerability she saw in his eyes. She hurried.

Darting down the corridor, she wondered idly what she would say if anyone saw her, clad only in a too-large Vulcan robe. “Why yes, the Vulcan Ambassador and I are fucking ourselves silly in Cargo Compartment 3…” To call the situation surreal was an extreme understatement.

When she returned, Sarek was pacing the compartment. He was in front of her in a split second, eyes blazing with desire. He swept her up again and deposited her on the pile of cargo sacks, which he had re-arranged into something approximately level and covered with the remainder of their clothes. He swiftly lowered his body over hers.

Their bodies came together again, almost as frantically as the first time. She moaned and whimpered as he worked her over. Losing track of how many times each of them climaxed, she marveled at the strength of his stamina and the staggering depth of his need. She clung to him; it was like swimming through a choppy ocean, her body being pounded by wave after endless wave. It seemed like it was hours later when he finally collapsed on top of her. Before she fell asleep, Amanda gently caressed his back.

She awoke to her stomach growling. With a start, she realized she had no idea how long it had been since she’d eaten. She rolled onto her side, and Sarek came into view, carrying a small tray. He had obviously dressed and gone in search of a replicator – she was amazed he had had the composure to do so. “The selection is not ideal,” he stated, “but it is passable.”

Amanda smiled up at him. “Thank you.” At the question in her eyes, he replied, “I sensed your hunger.” At that, she couldn’t help giggling. “I’m sorry my stomach was growling so loudly.” He merely arched one of his impressive brows.

“What would you like?” she asked, before reaching for one of the items.

He shook his head. “I will not require sustenance until this passes. I only hunger for…” his voice trailed off as his eyes darkened and he hurriedly began to remove his garments. Amanda gulped down what she could before he reached for her again.

They coupled again several times as before, but at a slightly calmer pace. Amanda did not know how much time passed, although she did notice the corridor lights rising and dimming in a diurnal cycle when she gingerly eased her sore body out to the bathroom.

Later during an apparent night (she was sure there had been others but this was the first one she noticed as such), she awoke shivering in the cold. Sarek, who had been lying near, was instantly at her side. “You are unwell?”

“No, just a little cold.” Sarek twisted and reached for his discarded robe, pulling it over her. Then he shuffled closer, pulling his warm body against hers. “Is this better?” he asked.

“Mmm,” was all Amanda could reply. She was surprised he could be so tender in the midst of what was supposedly a mindless rutting cycle. She was also surprised at how… comfortable she felt with him holding her close. Careful, Grayson, she warned herself. This is an errand of mercy, not a romance.

It seemed a longer period passed before he awoke her again, eyes flaming. This time, though, instead of immediately coupling, Sarek brought one hand toward her face, his still-feverish eyes meeting hers. “Please,” he whispered unevenly, “I …want... to know you… who you are…your …thoughts…Not permanent…please…” Amanda understood; he wanted to know more about who she was. Understandable – she wanted the same, to learn something more about the being to whom she had just given her body. Although, she wondered, what if she didn’t like what she found? She pushed away the thought. Her impulsive compassion and curiosity had gotten her into this situation; now she had better see it through. Besides, she didn’t believe she would be unpleasantly surprised.

She nodded to him. A shaking hand came up, touching her temple, cheek and jaw, and suddenly she felt him rush into her mind, not just his emotions, but his thoughts as well. She fought down the instinctive panic, letting him in, trying to make sense of his jumbled consciousness. Underneath driving want and need, a brilliant mind, temporarily eclipsed by raging hormones, an unerring sense of duty, great compassion, and … loneliness, coupled with caring. For her? Amanda tried to focus on some current in the torrent of thoughts, but it seemed to her untrained mind that she merely caught snatches here and there. Sarek’s presence was surprisingly calm, though, and it reassured her.

Sarek closed his eyes in concentration as he dove into Amanda’s mind. Intelligence, determination, a thirst for knowledge, compassion and kindness – all washed over him, painting an intricate portrait of Amanda Grayson. He detected warmth, admiration and sympathy in her thoughts and emotions regarding him, as well as attraction. But what struck him most was the fact that she felt no fear – no fear of him, nor of the specter of pon farr. Somehow, she trusted him intuitively. He was floored.

After what seemed like only an instant Sarek withdrew his hand, and his mind withdrew also. He seemed a bit calmer, as if he had just stepped back further from the precipice of death. For a long moment he stroked her hair, an unreadable expression on his face, before he moved on top of her.

The next couple of days passed in a gentle blur. The pace of their mating slowed, became more like love-making. They talked a little and slept a lot. On the morning of the last day, they awoke to the sound of the captain’s voice announcing in Andor that they would be docking at Star Base Three in twelve hours’ time.

Staring up at the ceiling, Sarek announced, “The fever is resolving.” He turned to face Amanda. “I owe you my life.”

She shook her head. “You don’t owe me anything. You needed help, I could give it; it was logical. That’s somethig Surak would say, isn’t it?”

A faint twinkle appeared in his eye. “Your logic is sound.”

Turning serious, Amanda looked up at him, fidgeting with the edge of his robe. “Where will you go from Star Base Three?”

“I must return to Vulcan briefly, then I will journey back to San Francisco.”

“I’m going back to Boston.” She hesitated. “Sarek, I want you to know, I’ve never done anything remotely like this before. We might never see each other again, but I‘m glad to have known you.”

“As am I, Amanda,” Sarek replied. “But I do think it highly likely we will see each other again. Technically, in the eyes of Vulcan law, we are married.” At her shocked expression he looked down, momentarily abashed. “I …forgot… to mention this …before. I apologize. I was not myself.”

Amanda just stared at him. This was too ridiculous. After a moment, she blurted, “What??” He opened his mouth to explain further but she held up a hand to stop him. “Never mind. I’m sure you can explain. It’s just that, I’m not ready for this. I did this in order to save your life, not to acquire a husband.”

Sarek considered this for a long moment. He could see the anxiety in her features. “You have honored me greatly by what you have done. I will not stand in your way,” he said slowly. “You … ‘need space,’ if I am interpreting your words correctly. However, it is still my duty to provide for you.”

“You don’t need to do that. And what if I want to marry someone else on Earth?” His gaze turned penetrating at this and Amanda felt obligated to reveal, “Not that there is anybody right now.”

“Should it become the case we will deal with that eventuality in a mutually agreeable manner,” he stated simply.

Amanda noted curiously that he seemed to regard the possibility as unlikely. Inwardly, she sighed. She wasn’t going to become his baggage, a permanent reminder of what could only have been a mistake. Her father was a highly placed attorney in the Federation; she could consult him about any legalities if necessary. Oh, but explaining this will be hell to pay…

She shook her head. “Well, it couldn’t hurt to exchange contact information in any case,” she allowed.

Chapter 3: Never Parted

They went their separate ways on Star Base 3. A polite good-bye in space dock, contact information exchanged. No one outside of the two of them was any the wiser of what had gone on in Cargo Compartment 3. The Surak arrived for Sarek and he departed almost immediately for Vulcan.

Amanda checked into an overnight room to wait for her transport and was about to take a much anticipated shower when the valet buzzed her door. She was surprised when he presented her with an outfit of clothes – new, stylish, exactly her size, and of very high quality. A note attached read, in elegant script, “To replace what was inadvertently damaged. – Sarek” She smiled. Her blouse had only sustained a minor tear as it turned out, but the change of clothes was very welcome after a week on the dingy freighter.

Two weeks later when she was back at home, the conference and its aftermath seeming like bizarre dreams, the luggage that she had left behind on Alpha Planetoid arrived, de-radiated and in excellent condition. She had thought it permanently lost. Another note this time read, “May the arrival of your belongings find you well. With regards, Sarek.”

Amanda contemplated the note and what had transpired between her and Sarek. Surely he felt nothing for her. He was Vulcan, after all, and had been caught in the throes of a devastating biological cycle. Still, she recalled his soft touch on her body, the incredible pleasure he had given her, the brief presence of his mind within hers… Not a romance, Grayson, she admonished herself. She had papers to publish and student exams to grade.

The next week, a book – an actual printed book – of Pre-Reform Vulcan history arrived at her office. It was one of the volumes to which she had been denied access after the pon farr translation incident. This time the note simply read, “With my compliments. -- Sarek.” Amazing, she thought. She sat down right away to read it, but she had been so tired over the past several days that she fell asleep with it open on her lap.

Several nights later she was poring over student work in an effort to catch up when a painful cramp seized her. Great, she thought, a rough period is all I need with so much to catch up on. Another cramp came, more painful this time, and she was startled by the thick flow of blood. This is not normal. Amanda quickly called a friend to take her to the emergency room.

***

Two hours later, Amanda awoke in a recovery room, an ER physician looking down at her. “You’ll be alright,” the doctor said. “You lost a lot of blood, but you’re stabilized now.” She paused, waiting until Amanda got her bearings, then asked, “Do you know who the father was?”

Amanda’s eyes flew wide. “Father? Father of what?”

“You miscarried. Didn’t you know you were pregnant?”

Amanda just shook her head, mouth open. She had no idea it was even possible…

The doctor was still speaking. “I’m asking you about the father because your blood was contaminated by copper-based blood elements. That’s part of what made the miscarriage so hard on you. You needed a number of transfusions to avoid more complications. Any information you can provide would be beneficial to your health.”

Amanda just laid her head back on the pillow, her head spinning. She couldn’t explain any more to the doctor. “My comm. Is it here?” she asked. “I need to call someone…”

The doctor nodded. “I’ll have the nurse bring it in. In the meantime, take it easy.”

Amanda was only thinking of one thing. Family was of highest importance on Vulcan, and traditions relating to it were taken very seriously. She had to let him know…

When the nurse brought her phone, she quickly tapped in her message. As important as this was, she didn’t feel composed enough to talk to him at the moment. “Miscarriage. Unaware. I grieve with thee.” Soon after, she fell asleep.

When she awoke she thought she was still dreaming. She heard the nurse’s voice, agitated, overlaid with his warm baritone. Surely Sarek wasn’t here--?

The voices became louder. “Sir, only immediate family are allowed –” An unintelligible Vulcan word and suddenly he was at her bedside.

“Amanda, are you well?” His voice was calm, but she could see his concern.

“I think so. I’m sorry; I—” Amanda swallowed as she looked up at him. She was interrupted as the doctor rushed into the room, summoned by the nurse. The medic stopped short, taking in the tall, formally robed Vulcan.

“Ms. Grayson, do you want this man here?” she asked quickly. Amanda nodded. The doctor then turned her attention to Sarek, starting to ask, “Are you –?” then stopped.

“Yes.” Sarek looked at the startled faces before him. Amanda just dropped her head back on her pillow in disbelief. He addressed the doctor. “I am responsible for Ms. Grayson – and her condition. What is her prognosis?” At the doctor’s stunned silence he clarified, “I am her husband.”

Amanda just stared at the ceiling while the doctor explained haltingly to Sarek. I had been worried about keeping this confidential? she wondered.

The doctor finished and Sarek turned back to Amanda. “The healer at the Vulcan Embassy is trained in both Vulcan and human physiology. I believe it would be best if she treated you.” He added quietly so only she could hear, “It is my honor to provide for you and protect you.”

Amanda hadn’t noticed before how deep and soft his dark eyes were. She forced herself to think. He was probably right. She nodded. His eyes held her gaze for an instant longer – she thought she saw a touch of warmth in them – before he turned and began speaking quickly to the doctor and nurse, arranging for her discharge.

The rest of the time in the hospital passed in a haze. She heard Sarek’s steady voice in the background until he leaned close and told her they were beaming out.

When she awoke again she was in a comfortable but unfamiliar bed in a sunny but unfamiliar room. A Vulcan woman’s face swam into view, then was replaced by Sarek’s. “Amanda.”

Amanda blinked.

“This is Healer T’Shonah. She will be providing your care, and can answer any questions you may have,” he informed her. T’Shonah bowed her head briefly and then left them alone.

She looked up at him in question. He replied, “T’Shonah has given you some medications to help your body recover. At this point you simply need rest. Your system was unprepared for an interspecies pregnancy, especially one that lasted for so long without intervention.” He hesitated and looked away. “I…ask forgiveness.”

“Nonsense, Sarek,” was all she said. “Where am I?”

“You are in a temporary room at the Vulcan Embassy in San Francisco.”

“A ‘temporary room’?”

“There is a permanent suite waiting for you, if you wish it,” he said softly.

“And which one is that?”

“Mine.”

Amanda’s heart fluttered at his words. Perhaps this was something she was willing to consider, after all.

Chapter 4: Touched

Sarek looked down at the small human woman in the bed before him. She was beautiful. He knew this thought was illogical, as it was irrelevant to their current situation, but he thought it anyway. He controlled the tumultuous emotions he felt roiling in his chest. He desperately wished to secure his claim to this female, she-who-would-be-his-mate, but was somewhat at a loss at how to proceed with her.

He had navigated cautiously over the past three point seven weeks, respecting her desire for ‘space’ after the pon farr. He had been amazed and more than a little impressed at her ability to handle the reality of the Time with so little preparation – at her ability to handle him. Her request for a little distance was not unreasonable after such an ordeal.

Now, however, she was here, for they had shared yet another intimate experience. The tiny embryo she had carried and lost was a shared creation, and a precious one at that. Family was an extremely high priority among Vulcans. They did not enjoy the high birthrates of humans and other humanoid species, due in part to the scarcity-driven biology of their desert world and in part to the aftereffects of the devastating wars they had inflicted upon themselves. Sarek knew Amanda understood at least some of this by the message she had sent him.

So he had scooped her up from that health facility in Boston and brought her back to his temporary home on Earth. It was his duty – and his great desire – to care for her, keep her safe. Not only had she miraculously arrived to save his life, and now had demonstrated with her beleaguered body that the two of them might together be able to create new life, but he sensed – no, he knew -- she was his k’diwa, his soul-mate. He had touched her mind, and in that brief but intimate connection of the meld, he knew.

No matter that she was not Vulcan, that she had not been selected as a suitable candidate by his clan; he knew. What did matter was the fact that she would not understand his swift judgment and was probably not of his same opinion -- yet. It was his job to bring her there to the best of his ability, as with the most carefully planned and structured negotiation, for the most precious of objectives.

Amanda stirred in the bed, rousing him from his thoughts.

“Amanda.”

She blinked.

“This is Healer T’Shonah. She will be providing your care, and can answer any questions you may have.” T’Shonah bowed her head to them both and left them in privacy.

Amanda looked up at him in question. “T’Shonah has given you some medications to help your body recover. At this point you simply need rest. Your system was unprepared for an interspecies pregnancy, especially one that lasted for so long without intervention.” A pause, then he was looking away. “I…ask forgiveness.”

“Nonsense, Sarek,” was all she said. “Where am I?”

“You are in a temporary room at the Vulcan Embassy in San Francisco.”

“A ‘temporary room’?”

“There is a permanent suite waiting for you, if you wish it,” he said softly.

“And which one is that?”

“Mine.”

Oh, my. She smiled at him shyly, at that, hoping the tremor she felt inside wasn’t externally visible. You never know… Then, looking up at him through her lashes, she replied in a teasing tone, “That’s quite the kind offer. Are you in the habit of making it to all the miscellaneous females who end up waylaid here?”

She teases because she is uncertain. His decade-plus of living among humans told him that much. “It is neither ‘kind’ nor an ‘offer.’ It is how it should be. And you are anything but ‘miscellaneous,’” he responded.

Her heart flipped. For an impassive Vulcan, he’s certainly making an effort. But she wanted to be clear. “Sarek, you don’t owe me—“

“And I do not say these things out of ‘obligation.’” Sarek continued smoothly.

Amanda was confused. Feeling slightly flustered under his direct stare, she looked down. “Well, you certainly can be quite charming,” she admitted, smiling hesitantly again.

Now Sarek looked away. “I regret that I was almost certainly… less than charming…before.”

“Oh no, that’s not what I meant!” Amanda exclaimed in a hurry. She sighed loudly. “This is awkward isn’t it?”

“What is awkward?”

“This,” she gestured between the two of them. “We know… a great deal… about each other, and at the same time, almost nothing at all.”

“We have shared thoughts,” Sarek replied, as if that resolved everything.

“But that was so brief! I barely remember…” Amanda trailed off, shaking her head. It had been an intense, beautiful experience, but her mind had been overwhelmed by her physical exhaustion and by the unfamiliarity of the meld. Looking back, it was nearly impossible to discern any distinct memories, only the feelings she experienced when it occurred.

Understanding dawned for Sarek. She does not recall. I have much to meditate upon. “Perhaps in time you will recall the meld in more detail,” he said simply. “I will allow you to rest further now.” With that, he bowed his head and departed. This may be a more challenging process than I had assumed.

***

Shit, Amanda thought as Sarek left, feeling that somehow she had said something wrong. She didn’t have much time to contemplate, however, as T’Shonah had re-entered her room.

“Are you feeling less fatigued, T’Sai?” the healer asked, running a scanner over Amanda’s body.

“A little. I’m not constantly falling asleep anymore, but I still feel pretty run down.”

“That is to be expected. You should return to normal in a few days. I have also given you immuno-suppressants specific to the Vulcan blood elements you absorbed so your body will be less likely to reject an embryo, at such time as you and Osu Sarek attempt another pregnancy.”

Amanda coughed, startled.

T’Shonah’s brow furrowed. “Did I say something to disturb you, T’Sai?”

“No,” Amanda said quickly. “Well, yes, maybe, but it’s not your fault. Things between Sarek and I are … a little unclear right now, that’s all.”

“All is silent within the family,” T’Shonah intoned quietly.

Amanda was surprised again. “You are a member of Sarek’s family?”

“Osu Sarek is my cousin.”

“Oh. So you and I would be cousins through marriage, then?”

“That is correct.”

Gambling that the apparent familial connection might allow her to broach some potentially delicate topics, Amanda ventured, “T’Shonah, can you explain something for me?”

“I will attempt to do so. What is your query?”

“How do Vulcans marry, traditionally?”

***

T’Shonah’s explanation was quite thorough, it turned out, and Amanda learned far more than she expected. By the time they were through, many of her supposedly learned assumptions about Vulcan culture were in tatters. Marriages arranged in childhood, but not based on an overall logical plan; telepathic bonding; a surprising degree of unpredictability in pon farr cycles, with many cultural implications -- she had a lot more questions for Sarek. When she had asked about Sarek’s situation specifically, the healer had tactfully suggested that Sarek would be best to answer these questions himself.

She felt an odd sense of déjà vu from when she had first encountered him on the freighter – a potent mix of compassion and curiosity. This time, compassion for his bachelor state. It was apparent from T’Shonah’s explanation that deviation from the pattern of bonding and marriage in early adulthood to a single, lifelong mate was unusual. Amanda realized he was likely quite lonely – if such a state could be attributed to a Vulcan – both from lacking a partner and from being out of step with most of his contemporaries.

Then she remembered the mind meld. He had felt loneliness. Relieved that she could recall some of its substance, Amanda was now curious again. Curious to find out if she could remember more, and what that would tell her, and very curious to learn more about him. Not to mention where all of this would take her, or them both.

***

It was late afternoon before she saw him again. Sarek paused briefly at the door this time, as if he felt he should be there but was not sure he was welcome. Amanda’s face brightened when she saw him, however, and he relaxed a bit inside. He had spent most of the afternoon tending to ambassadorial duties, but he had also devoted some hours to researching human bonding customs.

He had learned, like many other aspects of human culture, that the bonding and mating practices of this species were chaotic and inconsistent. No one set of rules seemed to apply, and not all participants in any of the practices necessarily had the same goal in mind. No wonder Amanda seemed so uncertain about our situation. He was able to identify a few customs that seemed reasonably consistent and associated with her demographic background, and decided he would attempt to begin there.

“Sarek,” she greeted him warmly. “I’m glad to see you. T’Shonah says I have a few more days of recuperation before I’m able to return to work. I thought…perhaps, if you’re available, that we could…spend some time…”

He waited for her to finish, and when she didn’t, he tilted his head in question. “’Spend some time’ doing what, may I ask?”

“You know, normal activities people do when getting to know one another. With their clothes on,” she added, and then held her breath for his reaction. I think he has a sense of humor… A recalled memory affirmed. I know he does…

He merely raised a brow and responded, “Indeed,” with the slightest inflection, as if to suggest this was a novel idea. She giggled at his gesture. He passes with flying colors.

It is pleasant when she laughs.

He spoke again. “It would appear we have reached similar conclusions, then. Vulcan traditions aside for the time being, I would like to…date you.”

Amanda’s brows flew up this time, not expecting this. “Date me?”

“Yes,” Sarek continued, hoping his anxiety was not visible. “Social activities engaged by two persons for the purpose of assessing mutual compatibility. The term ‘courtship’ seems more accurate, given my intent, but its use appears somewhat antiquated in your culture.”

Amanda could not help but be charmed. “I would like that very much, Sarek,” she said softly.

“I am pleased,” he replied, with more tension than he realized he’d been holding flowing from his body. “Perhaps, if you are sufficiently recuperated, you will join me for end-meal – dinner – this evening?”

“That would be lovely.”

“I shall see you at 19:00 then, if that is agreeable.” They both nodded to one another, and he was gone, leaving Amanda with a pleasant sense of anticipation.

***

A short while later Amanda realized all she had to wear was a hospital gown. What is it with me and clothing around this man? She inquired of T’Shonah, and the Vulcan woman generously offered her a selection from her own wardrobe – fortunately, they were about the same size. When Sarek arrived at 19:00, she was dressed in a dark blue robe that complemented her blue eyes, her hair pulled up in a simple chignon. I feel almost human again, she thought, chuckling to herself at the irony.

For Sarek’s part, he did what could only be considered a double-take by Vulcan standards. He stopped when he saw her, and while his impassive expression did not waver, he delayed his greeting by the tiniest of moments to look at her. “It is agreeable to see you, Amanda,” he murmured, his deep voice vibrating through her core.

He escorted her to the embassy dining room, indicating she should take his arm as they walked. Because logically she may be unsteady on her feet following convalescence. When they arrived, she found it was empty save for them. She silently hoped the rest of the embassy staff hadn’t been forced to subsist on human-style take-out that evening on account of her.

Sarek, meanwhile, hoped that an all-vegetarian dinner would be satisfactory. He had seen to it that they would have a private dining experience, and had instructed the kitchen to be ready with a selection of Earth dishes as well as Vulcan ones. He had prepared for this as thoroughly as he would for any diplomatic event – yet why am I so…unsettled in her presence?

They spent an enjoyable evening. Sarek was a charming host – Amanda could see at least one of the reasons why he was so successful as a diplomat – and they found plenty to talk about. He recalled for her the history of the Vulcan embassy in San Francisco, from the earliest diplomatic relations following First Contact to its establishment at its current location. History aficionado that she was, Amanda was fascinated by the many unpublished details he provided. And his dark good looks did not fail to enchant her.

Their conversation drifted to the experience of Vulcans living on Earth among humans and from there to Vulcan culture in general. At one point Amanda sighed. “You know, Sarek, I thought I knew a lot about Vulcan culture, and I have numerous colleagues who believe I do. Yet now I find I know virtually nothing.”

“Indeed?” Sarek responded, adding, completely deadpan, “I venture to say you know considerably more now than you did 4.8 weeks ago.”

Amanda’s surprised laugh pleased him again, as did her broad smile, distracting him. I long to hold her again, touch her mind again…

At that moment, Amanda closed her eyes, savoring a bite of ameelah.[i] “Mmmm,” she sighed. Further distracted, Sarek was reminded of her with eyes similarly closed, head thrown back and lips parted in a throaty moan as he… Kroykah! Focus, he admonished himself.

She was speaking again. “And what about you, Sarek? Would you say that your perception of humans has changed over the past five weeks?

“My perception of one human female in particular has changed a great deal, yes.” His dark hazel eyes bored into hers.

Amanda looked down, embarrassed. “It seems you believe you know an awful lot more about me than I do about you.”

“I submit you know significantly more about me than you realize,” Sarek murmured.

“Then why can’t I remember?” she replied, frustration creeping into her voice.

“I do not know,” he replied slowly. “Human and Vulcan memory functions are quite different. As I understand it, sleep deprivation, fatigue, and stress can all have at least a temporary debilitating effect on human short-term memory recall. It may be that over time you will regain your memories of the meld, or you may be able to do so through meditative techniques.” He paused, adding, “I could…help you…remember, but I suspect you would prefer to do so on your own.”

She nodded. He had perceived correctly. She queried him again. “Could I have even gathered that much information during such a short mind meld?”

His eyes were unreadable. “You would be surprised by how much is ascertainable in that short a time.”

Amanda gathered her resolve. There were some things she needed to know. “Sarek,” she asked quietly, “can you tell me why you’re not bonded?”

He straightened, steepling his fingers in front of him. It is a reasonable request. He met her eyes. “I was bonded when I was a child, as is traditional. However, when we became adults my bond-mate chose to follow the way of Kohlinahr, the purging of all emotion. This required that she sever all personal relationships, and so our bond was dissolved.” He paused momentarily, before continuing, his eyes distant. “Before my next Time, my clan selected another suitable mate, but I chose not to complete the bond. Most recently I was prepared to seek the …assistance… of one of the reldai,[ii] but I failed to plan adequately for the contingency that the cycle would arrive early. The reldai are an inelegant solution, but sufficient. I do not desire another indifferent bond.”

Amanda absorbed his words, taken aback by his circumstance. Although his tone remained inflectionless, she could somehow sense the very deep pain he felt. Her mind held a glimpse of the constancy and companionship a satisfactory bond should provide – a memory from the meld again? – and her heart ached for him that he had thus far been denied.

“And…with me?” she asked, almost in a whisper.

Sarek stared directly at her. “You are unique in the universe to me. I desire you as my bond-mate.”

Amanda involuntarily sucked in her breath. “You…love me?”

Now Sarek looked uncomfortable. “Amanda, as you know, among my people the expression of emotion is considered…a tremendous offense. We do experience emotions, but we are disciplined almost from birth to strictly control them. Not only are we conditioned very strongly against such expression, but to do so is considered philosophically repugnant, given our history.” He looked up at her, his eyes afflicted. “So how can I indicate my regard for you in the manner you seek without behaving abhorrently toward you?”

Amanda sat back. This is quite a cultural divide. She could understand his perspective, appreciate it even, but at the same time knew she needed something he might not be able to give.

Sarek read her expression swiftly. “Do not be distressed, Amanda. There are always possibilities,” he said softly, knowing she would recognize the quote from Surak, “‘We have differences. May we, together, become greater than the sum of both of us.’”

She smiled at him, and committed herself not to jump to unnecessarily negative conclusions. “Distress would be illogical, wouldn’t it?” she told him. She allowed him to escort her back to her room, where she promptly collapsed into a long and fitful sleep.

Sarek meditated long into the night. The evening had gone well, on the whole, and he was not surprised that they had encountered an impasse on the subject of expression of love. What I must admit I feel for her is profound, passionate, and unsettling. I must control this. And yet her human needs are no less valid… They would find an accommodation of some type, he was certain, with some effort. Few things that are worthwhile are accomplished without effort …

Chapter 5: Parted from Me

Two days later Amanda returned to Boston. Sarek maintained that their physical distance would not be a barrier to continuing to “date,” and he proved himself correct. The first day she was back in her office he sent her roses, and three days later, chocolates. (She raised a brow at that. Suggestive…). On Saturday he transported in to take her to dinner. The following weekend he beamed her back to San Francisco for dinner and theater. She stayed in a guest room at the embassy and returned home the next morning. They were becoming more familiar with one another, more comfortable in each other’s company. His persistent attentions, though never rendered in an emotional manner, were having an effect on her. And the roses, always red, kept coming.

Meanwhile, others were starting to notice the unlikely pair. Colleagues and acquaintances of Amanda’s posed curious – and sometimes downright nosy – questions, trying to understand everything from the apparent connection in time between Amanda’s emergency hospitalization and her new companion to speculating on the nature of their relationship and his intentions. For the most part she put them off with very limited information, and attributed their questions simply to (sometimes misguided) friendship or curiosity. Occasionally, though, an ignorant or mean-spirited comment caused her to bristle, and she would wonder if humanity had really progressed as far as it thought it had.

The Vulcan personnel at the embassy were by and large discreet and, to the extent she could tell, accepting of her presence around Sarek. There was one staffer, however, who managed to make his disapproval clear. Stessel frequently manned the embassy transporter when she beamed in or out, and if Sarek was not in attendance for some reason, never failed to comment negatively on her presence. Reluctantly she finally mentioned it to Sarek, wondering if she had somehow offended the man.

The next morning Amanda prepared to return to Boston. Stessel was once again on duty in the transporter room, and when she greeted him, he simply looked at her and stated, “Perhaps once the q’omi distraction is gone the ambassador’s productivity will return to acceptable levels.”

Amanda sucked in a breath at this particularly pointed and offensive comment and was about to respond when Sarek appeared. When she saw his face she immediately knew he had heard Stessel, and she paled. While Sarek’s expression appeared impassive as usual there was something about his countenance that was thunderous. His eyes, always soft or desirous when he looked at her, were steely and …furious.

Although they were not that different in height he appeared to tower over Stessel. His words were clipped, his intent coldly clear. “Stessel. Your words dishonor your house, the teachings of Surak to which you claim to adhere and your service to this office. You are immediately dismissed from duty for two cycles. I suggest you review your disciplines, for if there is a repeat of this behavior you will be released back to Vulcan forthwith.”

Stessel’s eyes were glued to the floor and his response was barely audible. “Immediately, S’haile. I ask forgiveness, S’haile, T’Sai.” Sarek stood silently, eyes boring into Stessel’s back as the aide hastily departed.

When he looked back to Amanda again, his eyes were calm. “I regret this unfortunate incident, Amanda. Are you distressed?” he asked. Incredible, she thought at his transformation. To him she replied, “Not anymore.”

***

They continued to get to know one another. With their clothes on. They went to the symphony, the opera, any number of other performances and exhibits, visited cities around the globe. In spite of the demanding commitments they both managed, they saw each other increasingly. Their appearances attracted speculative attention from the press, but Sarek simply ignored it, and advised Amanda to do the same. He took her to favorite haunts of hers, and to places she had never been. When they discovered each other’s love of literature, and in particular of poetry, he began to send her Vulcan and Terran works he admired, and she did the same.

They discussed their work, she of her ongoing research and the classes she taught, and he of the treaties, agreements and initiatives with which he was involved. The chronic and growing instability in the sector surrounding 37 Geminorum was taking up an increasing percentage of his time, as he had recently been asked to broker a settlement between the two unpredictable and bellicose factions.

Amanda was aware of the cultural issues underlying the tension there: the newly space-faring inhabitants of Beta 37 Geminorum, the Iiniobi, were clashing frequently with a Tellarite colony on the Delta planet in the same system, claiming the settlers were interlopers in their space. Tellar had so far refused to negotiate, and violent clashes were on the rise. There were rumors, as yet unconfirmed, of Klingon involvement with the Iiniobi, attempting to gain a foothold in the system and destabilize a Federation colony.

Amanda worried about his involvement in the progressively more warlike conflict, but she also knew that Sarek’s skills and resolve were uniquely suited for bringing peace to situations like this. His dedication in these pursuits was one of the first things she had admired about him.

One evening, after a day spent in the Swiss Alps – he had ventured out into the snow with her – he was preparing to take his leave before journeying to 37 Geminorum and had lowered his forehead to hers. It was an endearing gesture, Amanda thought, and it made her yearn for closer physical contact. “I had a wonderful time, Sarek,” she breathed into his neck, inhaling his exotic scent and reminded of greater intimacies. She stood on tiptoe and planted a soft kiss below his right ear, then gently nipped him in the same place.

Sarek’s arms tightened around her instantly. “Amanda,” he murmured huskily. She kissed him again, this time on the throat. He growled. One hand swept up and grasped her jaw while his dark eyes stared into hers. “I am quite capable of responding to you outside of when I am compelled to do so,” he ground out, his other hand beginning to caress her back suggestively.

She sank into him, thoroughly aroused. She felt dampness in her lower region and tingling, electric excitement from his touch, could feel his growing arousal. His pupils flared and he lowered his head, capturing her mouth with his. She pulled away after a moment, surprised. “I thought Vulcans didn’t kiss --?”

He leaned in again. “Even Vulcans can be educated,” he rumbled seductively. In between his kisses she managed to gasp out, “But where did you--?”

“From you,” he replied, fingers brushing her katra points, and her eyes widened. Another snatch of thought from their meld weeks ago flashed in her memory. She had kissed him, of course, passionately, and he had taken it all in. She whimpered quietly now, desperate for him. Pressed up against him, she could tell he was warring with something inside.

“What is it, Sarek?”

He closed his eyes momentarily as he held her. “It is not proper to...engage… in such activities solely for the purpose of sensory stimulation,”[iii] he said regretfully.

“But aren’t we --?” Amanda began.

“We are married in letter, but not in spirit, Amanda. We are not bonded…yet.” His thoughts continued to do battle with one another. I want this, and I want to bond with her. Perhaps it is not improper if the purpose is to increase the likelihood that we will bond successfully...

Amanda got hold of her libido long enough to think. They were coming at this unexpected relationship from such different places. We are going to have to become skilled at compromising… “How about ‘for the purpose of assessing mutual compatibility’?” she purred silkily. She bit her lip, eying him provocatively.

At that he decided he needed no further convincing. “Your logic is difficult to refute,” he said in a low, dark voice that promised much. “And you are a talented negotiator, Dr. Grayson.” He swept her off her feet as once before and carried her toward her bedroom.

Amanda was most gratified to find that he was as skilled a lover in his right mind as out of it. They spent the rest of the night tangled in her sheets. His touch once again set her skin on fire, and he brought her to ecstasy too many times to count. He was gentle and attentive yet so very ardent, earnest yet inspired, and quiet yet powerful. She wondered just how much passion he kept locked down beneath his controlled exterior.

At one point, they lay in each other’s arms, he simply running his hands slowly and methodically over her body, exploring every centimeter. Her breath caught from the exquisite feel of his fingers and when she felt brushes of his mind through his touch. Suddenly, as she sensed one such brush of his consciousness, a rush of memories from their meld came flooding back. Amanda gasped, recalling his thoughts, his mind, feelings of surprising tenderness and protectiveness for her and more, and feeling a familiarity she had not known was there. “Sarek,” she breathed, holding him tight, “I remember…” He kissed her, long and deeply, and she felt contentment through his touch.

***

So very precious, Sarek thought as he quietly prepared to depart. He was loathe to leave Amanda’s side, but the crisis brewing in the Geminorum system demanded his attention. He took a moment before going to put pen to paper.

***

Amanda awoke in the early morning, sensing Sarek was gone. Rolling over, her hand brushed paper, and she picked it up.

Ashayam,

I regret I cannot be by your side as you awaken this morning, yet I am hopeful there will be many more mornings for us to greet together. You have my assurance that I will return to you at the very earliest opportunity. Until that time, I leave you with this work by one of your Terran poets; I hope you will find it pleasing.

Yours,

Sarek

Amanda’s breath caught at the surprising intimacy of his written words, and then, when she read the poem, she trembled. Translated in his hand from Standard to Vulcan, there could be no mistaking the message he sought to convey. He had found a way to tell her what he felt forbidden to voice himself.

Love Sonnet XVII

Kitau-tanaf T’Urabun T’Ashaya Leh-steh[iv]

by Pablo Neruda

Kitua k’Pablo Neruda

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz

Ashau-ri nash-veh du u’ kiv du svai sbah – lash’a zhar-kur

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

il kurosahlar

I love you as certain dark things are loved,

Ashau nash-veh du u’ a’tja-vellar eir nam-tor-au taluhk

secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

svi’tsatik – svi duvong katraong

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries

Ashau nash-veh du u’ kastik svai-tor-ish-ri heh meshkarau

hidden within itself the light of those flowers,

ipik k’svi kah shai ha’ge t’svailar elfa

and thanks to your love, darkly in my body

heh itar-bosh ashaya t’du – a’tja svi ak’shem t’nash-veh

lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
ha-tor ihn-svail t ashen s’solektra

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

Ashau nash-veh du rik’fai uf – il lu – il s’wilat

I love you simply, without problems or pride:

Ashau nash-veh du veling – rik’ watlar il puv

I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

Ashau nash-veh du svi nash-kro’el fai’ei fai-tor-ri fan-kro’el vath t’ashaya

but this, in which there is no I or you,

hi nash – svi if nam-tor-ri nash-veh il du

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,

ni be ta el’ru t’du fi tuf t’nash-veh nam-tor ish-veh el’ru t’nash-veh

so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

ni be ta lu yuk-tor nash-veh nam-tor ish-veh bezhumlar t’du ta ikap-tor.

***

Chapter 6: Always

Amanda felt a warm buzz that morning as she gave her lectures. As unexpected as her relationship with Sarek was, she found she could see a future with him. They were so vastly different, yet shared so much. Perhaps they were indeed an example of infinite diversity in infinite combinations.

At lunch she was stopping to retrieve some materials from her office when she overheard words from someone’s newsfeed: “Violent confrontation…Geminorum…” What?? A hollow feeling suddenly gripping her stomach, Amanda quickly snapped on her own newsfeed. She gasped at what she saw. “Hostilities escalating … hostages…combatants extremely unstable…diplomatic casualties…” No!! It could not be. Her heart cried out silently as she sank into her chair. With shaking fingers, she comm’d the Vulcan Embassy.

They could not tell her much. Sarek had left with his two top aides and a security detail aboard the Surak; they would have arrived in the Geminorum system by now. The aide left in charge revealed that the embassy had not heard from the Surak for several hours. When Amanda queried T’Shonah for any unofficial information, the healer hadn’t been able to add anything, but Amanda could sense her concern.

Next Amanda tried her linguistics contacts at Starfleet Command, hoping they could turn something up. She learned that the starship Farragut was en route, but nothing further.

By that evening, she’d been able to learn that a Tellarite ship had apparently been attacked and hostages taken by forces claiming to represent the Iiniobi, and that there had been casualties on both sides and among third party diplomats there to broker peace. Both sides were on the verge of declaring war. Sarek’s image flashed innumerable times across newsfeed screens where he was identified as the “recently dispatched top peace negotiator, whereabouts now unknown.” Sickened, Amanda crawled into bed clutching her comm unit, but was unable to sleep.

***

The next morning, Amanda made it halfway through her first class before she dismissed the students early. Turning the remaining classes over to her graduate students, she retreated into her office, and upon finding no new news, attempted to meditate. The technique was one that Sarek had showed her, and she felt the tiniest bit closer to him as she sat trying to center herself. Perhaps she could even reach out to him somehow, if that were even possible. She couldn’t help the recriminating thought, If I’d already bonded with him, I would know if he were alive or not, possibly could help him in some way. Never again…

Sitting in the near-darkness, she startled when her comm buzzed. T’Shonah’s face appeared. “T’Sai Amanda, I have news,” the healer began. Amanda’s heart leaped. “Osu Sarek is returning. He has been injured, but the Chief Medical Officer aboard the Farragut assures me that he is no longer in serious danger. I will of course be the judge of that assessment,” the healer finished.

“T’Shonah, thank you!” Amanda exclaimed, relief flooding through her. ‘Serious danger’? “What happened?”

“Osu Sarek was injured by phaser fire when the Surak was ambushed while approaching the hostages’ location. Regrettably, three other members of the diplomatic party were killed in the assault, Security Chief Storn, Stessel, and the pilot, T’Lina. The hostages were freed before the Surak was disabled. Sarek was able to alert the Farragut to the attackers’ whereabouts and to the presence of a Klingon battleship, which the Farragut neutralized. The Farragut is on its way back to Terra now with our delegation, although they are under a communications embargo until they arrive.” The Vulcan woman’s even voice reported the events as if describing the weather while Amanda felt a chill sweep through her. He had been so close…

“I grieve with thee, Healer, for your losses,” Amanda replied as calmly as she could. “I will be there when the Farragut arrives.”

***

Amanda waited impatiently in space dock along with T’Shonah and several others from the Vulcan Embassy, Starfleet personnel, families of Farragut crewmembers and a throng from the press. After what seemed an interminable delay, passengers and crew began to disembark. Finally, she saw Sarek, walking slowly but unassisted, left arm in a sling. His eyes were scanning the crowd, searching.

Amanda pushed through the crowd and ran to him. She flung her arms around him as best she could while avoiding the sling, infinitely thankful for the feel of his warm, living body. She did not know if he could sense her, but she projected as powerfully as she could imagine, I love you.

There was a muffled gasp from several onlookers, and she saw security personnel tense out of the corner of her eye. Realizing what she’d done and embarrassed on his behalf, she started to pull away, but he forestalled her with his eyes. He had sensed her. He deliberately lowered his forehead to hers. The space dock receiving hall fell silent, its occupants captivated as the reserved Vulcan Ambassador stood, thoroughly engrossed by the human woman embracing him. Her face buried in his chest, Amanda blinked back tears.

Then she looked up at him and declared quietly for only him to hear, “Sarek of Vulcan, be forewarned: If you insist upon continuing to endanger your life while brokering peace agreements, then I shall be forced to continue making thoroughly emotional scenes when you return.”

One side of Sarek’s mouth curved up ever so slightly. “Then you will simply have to accompany me on all of my peace missions to make that unnecessary,” he murmured in return.

“You have a deal, Ambassador,” she said, smiling tenderly, and her eyes told him she was referring to far more than their banter.

***

Hours later, after Sarek had been thoroughly evaluated by T’Shonah, had informed the families of the deceased, and had been debriefed by both embassy personnel and Starfleet, Amanda walked with Sarek back to his private quarters in their first true moments alone.

“You need rest,” she enjoined him gently.

“At some point,” he agreed, “but I have no wish to be separated from you after so brief a time. Will you…stay?” His eyes searched hers.

Amanda’s blue eyes stared back. “Yes. And as long as I am staying, I believe we have some unfinished business. If the offer is still open, …my husband…I would like to bond.”

Sarek’s eyes widened and Amanda quickly amended, “That is, whenever you are recuperated enough and if there isn’t a ceremony that needs to be performed first…”

Now his eyes held a twinkle of amusement. “I am sufficiently recuperated…my wife. As you may know, the healing staff here is excellent. There is a bonding ceremony; it is tradition. However,” he continued, his voice growing husky, “as we are no longer children, the ceremony can wait. It is quite …proper... to bond on our own.” He lowered his mouth to hers.

***

The pair knelt, facing each other. He reached a hand to touch the katra points on her face and was still for a moment. She felt him flow into her mind, his consciousness easing into hers like her body slipping in amongst the softest blankets. Part of him searching to complete a connection as his people had done since time immemorial, and part of him feeling like he was, at long last, coming home.

Finding the contact points. Forming the bond. Reciting the ancient words… He heard her join him in his mind:

//Parted from me and never parted. Never and always, touching and touched...//

He gently removed his fingers from her face. //It is done; we are one. Amanda, Ashayam, K’diwa, Beloved.//

//I love you, Sarek.//

Somehow, not entirely unexpectedly, they found themselves on his bed. She pushed him gently back, and eased his sore body out of his robes. //Allow your bond-mate to tend to you once again, K’diwa…// She kissed him, and he did not resist.

Later, wrapped around one another, they looked out on the starlit sky together. Unexpected, but so meant to be.

- END -