Title: Worlds
Apart
Creator(s): ![[info]](Worlds%20Apart_files/image001.gif){kind=small}
misplacedmama ,linstock , chibifukurou ,
and larawander5
Universe:
Rating: R
Pairing: Amanda/Sarek
Wordcount: 5,000
Summary: A man from an ancient alien culture. A woman from a young planet. They are words apart.
Disclaimer: Team Kallifar and its affiliated
members do not own Star Trek or any related images, characters, or stories.
We're taking part in the Ship Olympics for entertainment purposes and no
copyright infringement is intended.
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picture to stream the podfic in a new tab:
Worlds Apart
by chibifukurou , larawander5 , linstock ,
and misplacedmama
=^=
Amanda gazed with approval at her reflection in the long cheval mirror.
She saw an elegant woman in the long off-white satin sheath that draped softly
over her body, emphasising her petite figure. This was the woman she would be
from now on, poised, confident and feminine.
She ran her fingers though her cropped hair. Lionel had claimed to adore her
long hair, so after he had humiliatingly dumped her, she’d cut it short. Amanda
knew this was a stereotypical response to a painful break-up but that didn’t
stop it from feeling liberating, and besides…she looked good.
Amanda was done with trying to please men. It hadn’t worked with her father, it
had never worked in relationships, and she vowed never again to pander to any
man’s opinion of what she should be or how she should behave. They would get
Amanda Stemple Grayson just as she was, and they
would just have to deal with it.
After the break-up, she was determined not to hide and lick her wounds; Amanda
would hold her head up and face the world on her own terms. She enjoyed going
out, and that was what she intended to do, though she balked a little at the
idea of socializing as a single woman again.
Her friend, Sue, had called and suggested a blind date with a man her husband
knew from work, and who had the one characteristic Amanda demanded; he was
nothing at all like Lionel. Amanda accepted immediately.
=^=
Sarek had accepted the corrective criticism of his supervisor, Ambassador
Selek, and was seeking to address his deficiencies. As a junior member of the
ambassadorial staff he had know how to behave in any social situation. After
the unfortunate incident at the Andorian embassy cocktail party, Selek
concluded that Sarek lacked the interpersonal skills needed to escort a female
at a social function.
Sarek accepted that it was logical to acquire these necessary skills. The
matter was discussed with a human colleague. As Vulcans were uncomfortable with
informality and preferred clear social rules, it was decided that a semi-formal
dinner “date” was an appropriate starting point. The colleague also thought his
wife knew just the woman to ask.
Now Sarek was waiting in the foyer of the Galaxy Hotel to meet his “date.” He
felt a heaviness in his chest at the thought of
spending a strained evening with an unknown woman.
=^=
Amanda watched her “date” standing the hotel foyer. She would strangle Sue; it
seemed there was one important thing her friend had not mentioned. Amanda’s
date was a Vulcan.
She mentally shook herself remembering her earlier resolution. Did his being
Vulcan make any difference? What Sue said was true; he wouldn’t be anything
like flamboyant, gregarious, manipulative Lionel.
The Vulcan was handsome and obviously ill at ease. She felt a wave of
compassion; he probably felt more uncomfortable than her. Amanda decided she’d
treat him like any other date and simply enjoy herself and, hopefully, he would
have a good time too.
She smiled and advanced across the foyer.
=^=
As Sarek watched the woman walking gracefully across the foyer he had no idea
that his love for this woman would shape the course of the rest of his life.
=^=
I still love you girl
I really love you girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
=^=
They went into the lounge to wait for their table. Initially, they were awkward
and formal, but he was interesting, intelligent, well-informed, and she was
inquisitive and insightful and the time passed quickly.
=^=
When their table was ready, they stood and Amanda automatically placed her hand
on Sarek’s arm to be escorted. He flinched and withdrew as if he’d received an
electric shock. Amanda was bewildered and hurt. Once she would’ve said nothing,
and spent the evening feeling constrained, but not any more.
She looked directly at Sarek and said calmly, “When I touch you and you
withdraw, I feel rejected and hurt. Recently I’ve had as much hurt and
rejection as I can handle, so I am feeling rather vulnerable. I need to be able
to behave normally with you. What do you need me to do so my needs will be met,
and you can still be comfortable?”
No one had ever spoken to Sarek in this way before. Was this how he made people
feel? Hurt, rejected and uncomfortable? If so, it
explained many things. He briefly wondered what had made this engaging women
feel so “vulnerable.” Then, for the first time, he really considered what he
needed to learn to tolerate human social touch.
“Can you stand where I can see you so I can anticipate your actions?” he asked.
“Perhaps I can also warn you with a look?” she answered.
He nodded in agreement. “And I…prefer…that you do not touch my skin.”
She gave him a radiant smile. “I believe we have a compromise.” She placed her
hand on his arm, and together they walked to their table.
=^=
The dinner was wonderful, excellent food and stimulating conversation. Amanda
was never bored. Sarek had an incisive mind and acute sense of timing that
often had her laughing.
Sarek was more relaxed in this woman’s company that he’d thought possible. She
was the first human that treated him as a real person, not merely a Vulcan. And
she was fascinating.
After the meal they moved into the lounge area. Sarek found himself explaining
why he had become an astrophysicist and then a junior diplomat. He spoke with
such understated passion that Amanda realized Vulcans could be dreamers,
romantics and visionaries in their own logical way.
As they talked, they sipped drinks and watched the couples on the dance floor.
Amanda suddenly turned to Sarek and announced “I’d like to dance.”
“I have no proficiency in dancing,” he replied.
Amanda raised her brows. “Not even for the cause of greater intergalactic
understanding?”
Sarek looked confused. “Vulcans do not dance.”
“What, never?”
“There are some dances that accompany rituals but these are executed by
trained performers.”
Amanda nodded thoughtfully. “Think of this as the dancing that accompanies the
ritual of human dating, and that your training commences now.”
He still hesitated.
She stood and held her hand towards him, and said “Sarek, may I have the
pleasure of this dance?”
Later Sarek realized that was the moment when he made the choice that changed
his life. He could have demurred, but instead he stood and took her hand.
The dancing lesson took place in a quiet corner of the lounge, half concealed
by a row of potted plants. The moment felt surreal to Sarek, as if he were in a
waking dream.
For the first ten minutes they stumbled and blundered, and then Sarek stepped
on Amanda’s foot. She gasped and laughed. The tingle of her laughter seeped
through Sarek’s mental shields and bubbled in his mind.
Once, Amanda placed his hands on her hips so he could feel the way she moved.
He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, mesmerized by the soft movement beneath
his fingers.
“Your hands are so warm,” she murmured breathlessly.
Sarek was an apt student, and soon they were really dancing. When the music
slowed and Amanda leaned toward him, he didn’t withdraw. As if from outside
himself, Sarek watched in disbelief as he held a women gently to his chest, and
bent his head to rest his cheek against her hair.
He drew a breath to speak and Amanda whispered, “Shh
Sarek, just hold me and dance.”
So he did.
=^=
Later that night, when Sarek escorted her to her door, Amanda said, “There is
an Earth custom associated with leave-taking.”
He raised a brow. “Another way to foster greater
intergalactic understanding?”
“Yes,” she whispered. She stood on her toes, and pressed her lips softly
against his before disappearing into her apartment.
Sarek stood gazing at her door for 7.3 seconds before he was finally able to
turn and depart.
=^=
A few days later Sue called Amanda to ask about the blind date. Sue said,
“Sarek’s not bad looking, but he’s so Vulcan. Can you imagine being with a man
like that?”
Amanda found she could easily imagine being with a man like that, one with
dignity and intelligence, a diamond bright mind, warm arms and soft sensual lips.
Amanda had always had a formless, faceless lover who visited her dreams and
made her wake roused and aching. Now, when she woke with her body yearning, it
was a familiar deep calm voice that whispered to her with warm hands upon her
hips.
=^=
Amanda was able to use logic to convince Sarek to a second date, and then a
third, fourth, and fifth date. Soon Amanda stopped counting the dates altogether, and even stopped coming up with reasons like “We
can go to see this movie so that you can better understand human motivation,”
and “What better way to understand human fear than to go to a Haunted House.”
There were even the rare but noticeable occasions when Sarek would ask for her
to attend events with him, such as joining him for an opera or going to see the
symphony perform the “Magic of Christmas.”
The biggest change in their relationship came when Sarek asked Amanda to a
political function that his advisor was forcing him to attend. The delegates
were milling all over and Amanda found herself aware of how much they were
actually fitting in. Sarek always managed to keep her a captive audience and
now it seemed to not just be limited to her as they were animatedly discussing
recent politics with others.
Amanda felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to see an older Vulcan. She
recognized Ambassador Selek, whom she had been introduced to earlier before
Sarek guided her away. Selek inclined his head and began to move to the side of
the room, a clear invitation. Sarek was still deep in conversation with the
Tellarite ambassador and probably wouldn’t notice Amanda’s absence while she
talked to his advisor.
Amanda followed the other Vulcan, and he acknowledged her presence with a nod.
He kept his eyes trained on Sarek, who seemed to be in his element with the
other delegates.
“You complement him well,” Selek said without facing her. “I have known Sarek
since he was a child, and I have never seen him behave in this manner.”
“What do you mean?” Amanda asked.
The ambassador paused for a moment. “He seems more at ease then I have ever
seen him,” he said. “He was always a studious boy, his skills and research at
the
He turned to Amanda, his entire focus now on her. If she hadn’t had a backbone,
Amanda probably would have liquefied from such an intense scrutiny.
Selek continued, “Now, I find myself even more astounded by his continued
association with you. He will often bring you up in conversation. He has even
declined several possible engagements in favor of
your company. Now he brings you here and is more...” he paused as if searching
for the right word, “passionate than I have ever seen him before. I have never
heard these carefully reasoned opinions that he is now expressing. He often
asks for your input, and listens quite attentively to your views.”
Amanda was taken aback by his statement. “Sarek is always this way.”
“I am not acquainted with this ‘Sarek,’” Selek replied. “It seems almost as if
I have never met him before tonight, as if I have only known a shadow of his
true self all of these years. I find myself quite unexpectedly looking forward
to as you humans say ‘getting to know him better.’” He continued to study her
as if trying to uncover her secrets. His revelation surprised Amanda, and she
didn’t know how to respond.
Fortunately, Sarek appeared at her side. He greeted the ambassador with a nod,
and as if sensing Amanda’s discomfort, said to her, “It has been brought to my
attention that I have been remiss in my duties as your companion. May I have
this dance?”
Amanda smiled up at him, the memory of their first date flitting across her
mind. “Of course.” She turned to Selek. “It was a nice
to talk to you, Ambassador. A very enlightening conversation.
May you live long and prosper.”
Sarek raised a brow, and she grinned, deciding at that moment she would never
share the ambassador’s words with him. It was exhilarating to know that, like
her, Sarek was affected by their relationship, that she had been the one to
bring him out of his shell. Amanda had never before felt so
alive as when they were together.
She grabbed one of Sarek’s hands and led him to the dance floor where they
danced and talked the rest of the night away.
=^=
Several months later, her face haunted Sarek’s dreams, the curve of her cheek,
the way her dark hair fell around her shoulders as he danced with her. He could
hear her laughter ringing like a bell, a sound that reverberated throughout his
body. Her eyes seemed to refract an inner light as if her katra could outshine
a star gone supernova. She was splendid. She was what he needed, what he
craved.
The dreams always ended the same, with her reaching toward him, pain etched on
her features. Every cell in his body would demand that he take her hand, that
he pull her to him, to join their minds and bodies, but he turns away instead.
He burned. He felt a fury when the blood fever began boiling in his veins,
stealing away the pretense he had been gladly
embracing—the pretense that his relationship with
Amanda could be more than a social experiment. When his control began to slip,
when he began waking in tangled, sweat-soaked sheets, Sarek could no longer
deny that the gap between Vulcan and human would prove too immense. His duty to
his people, to the Vulcan way, was greater than the affection he had developed
for Amanda.
T’Rea was Vulcan. She understood when his mask of
serenity and logic was shattered, and she guided him through his pon farr. She
opened her body and her mind to him, but Sarek could not complete the bond.
Even as he hovered over T’Rea, overtaken with lust
and need, Amanda was still prominent in his thoughts. T’Rea
was nothing more than a substitute, incapable of doing more for him than saving
his physical form. His katra had already claimed another, and the declaration
would not be rescinded.
For three days, Sarek took T’Rea to his bed and
ravaged her body with his fever. For three days, he closed his eyes and saw a
different face—one with rose-colored lips turned upward in a brilliant smile.
=^=
Sarek stood on the balcony, wearing only loose linen pants. His hands were
clasped behind his back as he took in the view.
He felt foreign now, permanently changed from his experience on Earth. Amanda
had made the lush, blue and green planet a place where he felt more at ease
than he had his entire life on Vulcan. The fires of his pon farr had been
cooled for many days, but his renewed composure could not completely still the
sense that he had betrayed Amanda by leaving her.
Enough. It was illogical to go down this path. Sarek
had made his choice, and he would fulfill his
obligations. He would stay on Vulcan, marry T’Rea and
raise their child—if one had been created with this joining. His time with
Amanda had given him new understanding, opened him to a different perspective,
and he would always remain grateful. But that season of his life had come to an
end, and he must now embrace what lay ahead.
“Sarek.” T’Rea’s voice was
quiet as she joined him on the balcony. “I must speak with you.” She had been
with the healer, and Sarek was certain she would now tell him if the Pon Farr
had brought new life.
He faced her, projecting the calm he did not quite feel. “Speak your mind.”
“I am with child.”
With her announcement came the sound of a lock being turned, barring him
completely from any hope of a life with Amanda. “This is good news,” he said in
an even voice. It was good news, and he was pleased, but it did not stop his
mind from considering what it would be like to hear the same words come from
Amanda’s lips instead.
But of course, he never would.
=^=
Troubled times
Caught between confusion and pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain
=^=
"I do not know why you insist on returning to Earth.” T’Rea
said more than a year after Sarek’s pon farr. “You have a stable position at
the
"I have made my decision, T'Rea," Sarek
replied. He refused to be swayed by his past-bond mate's lack of emotional
control. "It is logical for me to accept the position as ambassador with
the Earth Embassy."
"Then you must at least explain your logic." T’Rea’s
statement made her disbelief clear.
"I must explain nothing." Sarek replied, tucking Sybok back into his
tiny pod. The child had fallen asleep soon after he had been fed, and Sarek had
been reluctant to put him down. Now, though, it seemed the more logical choice.
He did not want to expose his son to his own unsettled emotions.
Sarek turned back to T’Rea. "I have been
informed of your intentions to bond with another."
She stepped back. "I see."
"I understand the logic of your decision, but I cannot remain here if you
follow through with this plan. I care little if your bond-mate takes my place
in your life. However, my logic would fail me if I had to watch him raise our
son. Sybok is precious to me."
T’Rea nodded and leaned over Sybok's pod, running a
gentle finger over the tip of his ear in a soothing manner. "Perhaps you
are right to go to Earth. I do not want Sybok to be influenced by your interest
in humans."
Sarek traced Sybok's other ear, resisting the urge to scoop his son up and take
him out of T’Rea’s reach. He did not have the right
to do so in this situation. He had not bonded T’Rea,
and by law Sybok was hers to raise as she saw fit.
"You will still allow me to see him?" Sarek asked.
"Yes, I will allow you to see him,” T’Rea
answered with a flat expression. “But he will be raised as my bond-mate's
son."
Sarek nodded. This was the best solution, of course, even if it was not the
most agreeable. Sybok would have better opportunities if he was raised as the
son of a bonded pair. This knowledge, however, did not quell Sarek’s
displeasure. Knowing that Amanda was waiting for him on Earth gave him the
strength to remain calm in this difficult situation.
Illogical as it seemed, spending time in Amanda’s presence gave him a peace
that he had sorely missed since his return to Vulcan.
=^=
Here we stand
World's apart, hearts broken in two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you
=^=
Amanda felt rather silly waiting for her ex-boyfriend at the space port. He was
always the one that got away. Their time together had been the best of her life
and then it came to an abrupt end when Sarek had to return to Vulcan for some
personal business. It had bothered her a little that
he never told her what it was, but she got over it when she realized that it
was tearing him apart to leave her.
During those last few days, he had gazed at her so wistfully that, if he hadn’t
been Vulcan, she would have sworn that he was close to tears. He touched her
tenderly and held her as if he were trying to memorize the feel of her. Then he
left her at the space port.
Amanda spent so many sleepless nights thinking of him. It was only after they
parted that she realized just how deeply she had fallen in love with Sarek. His
absence had been a shock at first, and she kept expecting to see him, making a
mental list of things that she was going to tell him. Before, their almost
daily communications had never been enough, always over too soon. Even now,
nearly two years later, she almost felt physical pain each time she thought of
him. Amanda had felt incomplete, as if Sarek had taken half of her broken heart
with him to Vulcan.
The sad memories fled from her mind when she saw him exit the transport. Her
heart felt like it was trying to leap out of her chest. Sarek was back! She had
planned to hail him formally with the ta’al and the Vulcan greeting that she
had been practicing, but to hell with that.
Amanda ran towards Sarek and threw herself at him. She clung to him and felt
his arms wrap around her, holding her just as tightly. After a few moments, he
released one of his hands and touched her face. She realized then that she was
crying; she was so happy to see him. He stared at her, mesmerized as he
caressed her cheek, wiping away her tears and touching her if making sure she
was real.
He tilted her chin up and bent down, bringing his lips to hers. He kissed her
with abandon, in front of the whole world, and Amanda didn’t care. She returned
the kiss with fervor, ignoring the stares she was
sure they were getting. When they pulled apart to breathe, he stroked her face
again. If his eyes were just a little bit shiny and his face not quite so
stoic, well, Amanda wouldn’t say anything. She grinned as she pulled him away
from the crowd to her transport.
=^=
Having Amanda at his side again felt surreal. He gripped her hand, reluctant to
lose contact with her. Sarek could not get enough of her mind which seemed to
have become so much brighter in his absence. Before he had thought her mind was
like a supernova, but now it was like witnessing several stars being born out
of its remnants. Each thought was breathtaking in its beauty, and he constantly
looked down at her in wonder.
That first night, they spent hours in each other’s arms, talking. They fell
into easy conversation as if they had never been apart. However, the way they
clung to each other indicated just how keenly they both remembered their
painful separation, and neither desired to repeat the
experience ever again. Amanda fell asleep against Sarek’s chest while he was
still talking, and he could not be bothered to see the logic of waking her up.
He spent the rest of night watching over her and touching her hair to make sure
that she would not illogically disappear. Meditation could not bring the same
peace that gazing down at Amanda gave him.
He knew that it would not be easy to be together. However, that night reminded
him of how important she was to him. In the morning, he knew that they could
face it their worlds together.
=^=
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched and went our separate ways
=^=
“You would ask me for permission to bond with an outworlder,
Sarek?” T’Pau asked with a peaked brow. “It is not the Vulcan way.”
Sarek considered how best to answer her. There was no room in the Vulcan way
for a marriage of preference. He could argue how well-matched Amanda was to him
intellectually, how she challenged his preconceptions, inspired him to grow
beyond what he was, to become a better version of himself. He could argue that
his time with her had made him understand the nature of his people more
clearly; his respect for the Vulcan way was greater because of their
association. He could make all these arguments and more, but it would not be
the truth. Sarek was marrying Amanda for love, and that was a reason that he
knew T’Pau could not accept.
“As ambassador to Earth, it is my duty to observe and understand human behavior. Marrying Miss Grayson is logical,” Sarek
explained, bringing his eyes to T’Pau’s. “I am not requesting your permission.
I am merely making you aware of my intentions.”
T’Pau’s eyes widened. “You would take this komihn as
wife against your family’s wishes?”
Sarek kept his gaze steady. “If I must.”
“Marry her the human way, then.” T’Pau gave him an indifferent wave of
her hand. “But know that your bond with her will not be ratified on Vulcan. She
will not have a place among us.”
Sarek found that unacceptable. He was determined that Amanda be given her full
rights as his wife. “For one who helped bring the true teachings of Surak to our
people,” he replied in an even tone, “you are intimately aware of his most
basic precept: infinite diversity in infinite combinations. You must concede
that accepting Amanda Grayson as my wife is in accordance with the Vulcan way.”
T’Pau’s lips became a thin line, and Sarek knew that he had won the argument.
=^=
The ground was hard and warm underneath Amanda as she knelt across from Sarek.
Her heart fluttered as he brought his right hand toward her, his first two
fingers extended. She hesitated only a few seconds before mimicking the
gesture. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous; they had already been married
on Earth in a wedding large enough to make the media happy. The ceremony on
Vulcan was to be a quiet affair with only their immediate families in
attendance, and yet somehow, she found it more nerve-wracking.
When she touched her fingers to his, she felt his affection for her seep
through the contact, and she blushed.
“There is still time for you to declare Kalifee if
you are having second thoughts,” Sarek murmured, his brow quirked in the way
that meant he was teasing. “However, I would ask that you choose a champion
that I could easily best.”
Amanda laughed, and Sarek’s amusement buzzed against her fingertips. “I declare
Kalifarr, beloved,” she whispered, “for now and
always.” Her heart swelled as they looked at each other.
The aged priestess stepped forward and spoke. “What you are about to see comes
down from the time of the Beginning,” she said in Sarek’s native tongue, “This
is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul–this is our way.” She placed her
fingers against Amanda’s cheek and temple, and did the same for Sarek.
Suddenly, the gentle hum of Sarek’s presence became amplified a hundredfold.
She was overwhelmed by the color of his passion, the
fire of his desire, the vice-like grip of his possessiveness and the brilliant
light of his love. He had told her that for his people emotions run deep
underneath the calm of logic, but his warning now seemed like the
understatement of the century.
It is too much. When she heard his words in her mind, Amanda realized that she
was weeping. She felt him begin to withdraw.
No! She wasn’t sure if she had sent the word across their newly-formed bond or
spoken it out loud. She reached for Sarek’s mind and drew him back. Your love
is greatest gift you could ever give me, Husband.
Amanda laughed once more as she was swept away in the swell of their shared
joy.
Someday love will
find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways
